Dr. Dentist

Charlotte – I’m a serial dater who just can’t get it right. I have always been the girlfriend-type, with my most recent relationship just under three years long. However, since ending that about half a year ago, I have gone through my fair share of dicks (in both senses of the word). This single thing and I are just not getting along.

I won’t do the tinder thing. I know I’m probably going to give in soon, but am staying strong for now. As a result, I need to be more resourceful in how I find my men. Usually it’s through acquaintances, bars or maybe a friend. This time, however, my mom got involved when her client’s son saw a photo of me and wanted to shoot me a message. My thought process when my mom told me was something along the lines of damn this is sketch; he’s probably a thousand-pound serial killer but why not.

First date rolls around and we go to a bar to grab a drink. I got there first and am sitting around waiting for my serial killer blind date to come and join me. All of a sudden this stunning, tall, well-put-together bearded man comes by. He gives me a side grin and apologizes for being late. Not sure if the shock showed on my face but it must have. He’s a dentist who’d just come back to Canada after doing residency in the States for a few years. I’m sitting there thinking “Damn mom, you done good, you done real good.” Date number one was a success and a couple days later I got asked on date number two.

That evening we planned on getting high and going to an art exhibit. In my mind I’m just like “I’ve found my soul mate… dentist, handsome, occasionally dabbles in recreational drugs… marriage material”. He picks me up in this swanky ass car and I’m just immediately like “Oh wow this is different”. I’m used to dating people my own age, so being picked up in an Uber means I’m getting spoiled.

We get to the art exhibit and he informs me that there will be no drugs. Ugh, strike one. We go inside and he barely speaks to me. Ok…maybe he’s just really into the art? After about 20 minutes he finally opened his mouth, to me immediately wishing he hadn’t. That hour was so dull I actually tried to plan my escape. Unfortunately, this was a pop up art exhibit and the only way to escape was through the front door which wouldn’t be too stealth. So I just prayed that the nightmarish date would either improve or end….Strike two.

After the exhibit he suggested grabbing apps and drinks at a restaurant. I was all for that idea, because alcohol would either loosen him up or I could get drunk to the point of forgetting where I am. Either way it would be a significant improvement to the night. We’re walking along when he spots a café and basically bolts for it, clearly the man needs an apple strudel.

I have never seen anyone eat like this in my life. You know how piranhas viciously maul their prey? Ya, this was that. I don’t think the guy even took a breath between bites. Like sir, have you ever eaten before? Still battling through my disaster date I thought “maybe he’s just hungry… pretend like you didn’t just see that. I NEED ALCOHOL!” This probably should have been strike three.

We leave the café and are informed at the restaurant that it’s going to be a bit of a wait. So Dr. Dentist decides we should go on a walk to Dundas Square. We’re standing in the middle of the square with a group of pot smoking teenagers to our left (who I am incredibly jealous of at that moment) and some fresh-off-the-boat tourists on our right. Dr. D and I are chatting, finally the conversation has picked up, but it feels more like we’re having two conversations that aren’t intersecting, as demonstrated by the next moment we shared. I asked him a question, relevant to the topic I thought we were both discussing, just to have it ignored. Instead, he throws in this awful one liner about how beautiful my smile is and how he’s happy I decided to give this a try. Then kisses me.

Sounds romantic and shit right? Well it’s not when 1) we are in the middle of Dundas square with everyone staring at us  2) The line was so forced it caused me physical pain 3) He pulls away immediately after our lips touch. I practically fell forward as I was not prepared for such a sudden retreat after the awfully timed and forced line. Best of all, he kind of just held me. LIKE WHO ARE YOU? I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU! I must be desperate or something because this should DEFINITELY have been strike three.

Thankfully it was time for food and DRINKS. The more alcohol I got into my system, the more tolerable he became. By the end of the date I thought I would even go on a third. I put aside the whole being ignored through an art gallery thing, watching him devour an apple strudle AND a full cheesecake (yes, not a slice but an entire cake) and the most awkward first kiss of my life.

He messaged me later that evening. The conversation died down quickly and he never asked for a third date. When I decided it was too cliché to wait for a man to muster up the courage to ask for a date I decided to do it myself. He didn’t even reply. Three strikes buddy, you’re out.

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