Mr. Netflix and Chill Out!

Samantha – Recently, a guy that I’d met during first year at university started chatting me up on tinder. We quickly progressed to texting and Snapchat (hehe), and things were flooowwin’. The only crappy thing about him was that he lived about 30 minutes down the highway, but hey, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. Though I don’t have much experience with “tinder kills” (/ˈtindər kil/ – meeting up with a match for the sole purpose of hooking up), our late-night tryst was surprisingly comfortable, and “netflix and chillin” was not nearly as awkward as I anticipated it being. I left his house feeling respected and satisfied…what more could you ask for from a random hookup?

We made plans for a week later, but just my luck, I managed to catch the flu in between our two “dates”. By the time I was supposed to head over I was not feeling all that hot – unless you count my fever. I warned him that I was still sick and that we should just reschedule, but he persisted and said to come over anyway. “Who knows”, I thought, “This could make me feel better…doesn’t fooling around usually cure headaches?” I should not go into medicine.

I made the trek over to his place and like last time, we went straight to his bed upon my arrival. Only this time I had to get up every 10 – 15 minutes to blow my nose so I could continue breathing…sexy stuff, I know. He puts on Avengers 2 and I was thinking that this would be great, I’d make some comment about how hot Chris Evans is, and after about 15 minutes we’d get to it.

But no. Maybe my intentions weren’t explicit…maybe he was really into the movie…or maybe, just maybe he shouldn’t have invited over the stuffed-up girl mouth-breathing because that shit ain’t sexy. Whatever his reason, he did not make a move the entire time, and the Avengers is over two. hours. long. Even when I’d be SUPER obvious by playing with his beard or plainly informing him it was time to put down the laptop, he did not make a move.

Sadly, here’s where things actually get weird. By the end of the movie I am so congested from lying down that I cannot function. So, when the credits began to roll and suddenly he’s ready to catch the flu, I was soooo not down. When I told him this, he proceeded to pin me to the bed, pay me some attention and beg me to stay.

Now, up until this moment he had been asking me on real dates, texting me at the end of every day and overusing the word “Darlin'”. But the second I put my foot down (both figuratively and literally off the bed) he flipped a switch and went into full asshole mode. On my way out he wouldn’t look me in the eye, say a word or hug me when I left! Legit, I went in for a hug and he kept holding onto the doorframe while I awkwardly just leaned in against his body….

Look, I realize that the whole thing must have been very confusing for him. If a girl comes over at 8 pm, watches a two and a half hour movie and then decides to leave, then yes, that is a huge tease. HOWEVER, I warned him I was sick, made some shamefully obvious moves, and tried to act like a normal human when I realized it wasn’t going to happen. So no Sir, your behaviour is not pardoned and I left that night feeling the exact opposite to how I felt the first time: disrespected and horny.

I never expected to hear from the guy again but it turns out that he is just full of surprises. I still receive texts, Facebook messages, and even the occasional Snapchat looking for a quickie. I’m not too sure how many times I will have to say I am busy for him to realize that it’s not going to work out, but at least I don’t have to pay anymore highway toll charges!


3 thoughts on “Mr. Netflix and Chill Out!

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