Mr. Chace Crawford

Carrie – Alongside my full-time position as an administrative assistant for a small private investment company, I decided I needed a fun job because how blah does that first title sound? I was hired at an organic burger shop as a ~*~Bartender-/Slash/-Server~*~.

Starting a new job is always a little overwhelming, especially at a restaurant gig. There are so many new names, new menu items to learn, and as a bartender and server, I had to learn double the number of duties. It makes it three times as hard when three out of four of your male co-workers on bar are SO FREAKING HOT.

I am one of two lady bartenders so the majority of the time, I am working with these dudes. A young female customer was chatting me up over a take-out menu, telling me she was a regular before she gushed, “you know, one thing I’ve noticed is that everyone who works here is extremely attractive.” I thanked her modestly, trying not to let it go to my head while simultaneously flipping my hair and doing a mental “Fabulous Girl with Palm Out” Emoji. Then, to burst that bubble, she finished with a… “especially the male bartenders.” While there is a sarcastic, funny one and an Australian sweetheart, the one I (along with many female customers) vie for is Mr. Chace Crawford.

Tortured and brooding, he is an artist by day and bartender by night (or sometimes the other way around). I’ll admit it: I’ve learned this by stalking him on his very private social media platforms and then casually finding out through strategic segues in my brief working conversations like “I hear that’s big in London! Oh you lived in London? I didn’t realize!”

My first training shift, dressed up in a grungy black t-shirt and too-small Vans, I walked into the shop and met this 6’2” Adonis feeling more inadequate than ever. His chiseled face and sullen demeanor look freakishly similar to Nate Archibald from Gossip Girl. He did not smile nor greet me, unlike everyone else, and this made me want him more because I am perpetually attracted to douchebags and the one I can’t have. It wasn’t until about halfway through the shift when he started to flirt with me, teaching me how to make a drink with the shaker, hands on hip and being like “you like to shake it, huh?” His eye crinkle, his smirk, his pretty-boy face: Chace Crawford man, Chace written all over it. I swooned and all I could insecurely think about was my less-than toned arms jiggling while I shook the drink up.

In contrast to my one week relationships from Tinder, this has been a turtle race for the past month that I’ve worked there. From casually walking in when he’s on shift to pick up my cheque (in my defense, he is always working when I’m not at my other job) to being sexiled at the restaurant by my sister late at night on a Sunday when not very much else is opened and he’s working, my interactions with him have been essentially non-existent.

One week, I happened to see him twice and he was like “are you mustering the courage to ask me out?” I obviously panicked and muttered, “No, just here to pick up my take-out.” I also forgot to mention that I had decided to place my pick-up order under the name Hummus. Yup, Hummus. He said, “Oh you’re the milkshake for Hummus?” – Devastation –

Another example via text:
Me: Hey Chace, I owe you $3.50 from tip-out. Don’t let me forget!
Him: Nope don’t worry.
Me: but that’s like two weeks of Netflix! Haha k thanks.

Oh, sorry, I forgot this was supposed to be a blog where shit with guys happened.

Well that’s EXACTLY the way I feel too… but I think we’re making slow progress. The most recent shift working with him, I was chatting with one of the managers about some tension between me and my parents, (you know that moment when you’re mature enough to realize how you politically differ from your parent’s values?) and he overheard. Later, when we were one-on-one (with him coming up to me, mind you), he opened up to me about his troubled past and parental drama as well. You can tell he’s kind of guarded. He volunteered the information but suddenly couldn’t make eye contact with me and was fumbling around with the cutlery. I called him out on it, saying “aw I like that you’re opening up to me right now but you can’t even fully commit to that cuz you’re distracting yourself with the take-out right now.” He actually blushed so that’s a personal victory in my books. I’ve heard from the Aussie that he’s quite the player/ladies’ man and you can definitely tell, even without a fukboi radar as good as mine. While we generally have some sassy banter and flirtation (he told me he’s eaten a girl out with honey, I told him there’s nothing more attractive to me than watching a man make coffee WHILE he was stirring his coffee), it was the first time we connected on a deeper level.

After that, he made sure to bump into me or push me or kick me in the butt every time we walked past each other after, kind of like a little schoolboy pulling the pigtails of his crush. That means we’re like married now, no? No? -Sigh- I guess I’ll always be in love with the Chace chase (see what I did there?).

Update: Getting drunk with one of the managers after work on a Saturday led to a conversation that I would totally do Chace only for me to find out he had been fired earlier that evening. Oh and he has a girlfriend. Back to [] 1.

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