During my shower this morning I came to the conclusion that dealing with leg hair is without a doubt one of the most difficult part of dating in 2016. You may be asking yourself why I think that this to be true. “Samantha”, you may ask, “are you crazy? There are waaaay harder parts of dat single life…think about tinder fkbois, think about unwanted dick pics, think about GHOSTING”. Yes dear reader, you are correct, those are all very trying aspects of the dating game and I do not particularly enjoy any of them. However, they are not the hardest part for one simple reason: the decision to shave my legs (or not) is directly related to the outcome of the date.
Now hear me out for I have not completely lost my marbles. I happen to be one of those people who likes to always be prepared. Subsequently, I have a couple things I make sure to do when getting ready for a date. I wear something that makes me feel confident (including cute underwear to match), I brush my teeth no matter the time of day and I always carry a contact case for any unanticipated sleepovers. No one wants to wake up as a red-eyed monster.
These are the things that I do to feel prepared no matter the date’s outcome, and are also pretty indicative of why I would stress over something as banal as leg hair. Shaving is an all-or-nothing choice in which I need to make a definitive decision, while I prefer to keep my options open. So, while we can all agree that I may have problems with control (or specifically not having any), let me run you through a few of the reasons why this decision-making process is so very hard.
1) To wax or not to wax, that is the (first) question
I hate leg hair. Not an abnormal amount or anything, but my problem with leg hair is much like my problem with overly-emotional people: both require too much attention. As such, I am an advocate for waxing over shaving, because a good wax allows me to pretend leg hair doesn’t exist at least for a few days. So, during an epic shaving debate – much like the one I had this morning – I have to decide if the date is worth ruining the progress of the “growing out” stage required by waxing. Because realistically I will, if…
2) I want to hook up with the guy
Circumstances in which I am looking to play a game of Mr. Wobbly hides his helmet (this is a legit euphemism for having sex, I checked) often lead to their own line of questioning:
- Do I anticipate hooking up with this guy?
- Is this a first date?
- What does he think this is?
- Is this going to be just a hook up if I give it up on our first interaction?
- Does he care about those things?
- If we do hook up, would he care about my leg hair?
- How have I already been in the shower for over ten minutes?
At this point, my hands are getting pruney, I have lathered, rinsed AND repeated, and have nothing left to do but continue wasting water.
The act of shaving, or not, forces me to evaluate what I want from the guy, our upcoming interaction and the whole friggen relationship potential before I even find out his last name. And yes, I recognize that this is me being a little cray cray, but it is also very practical thinking! If I just want him for a hookup then I either have to shave in anticipation of that happening or not because do I really need to impress ‘just a hook up’ anyway? On the flip side, if I am hoping for more than just one date, maybe I don’t want to put all my cards on the table and leave my hand totally exposed. It is usually at this point where I come across the third factor that makes this decision so hard.
Whether or not I shave my legs is directly correlated with my expectations for the evening. It’s true! I’m serious, it’s been scientifically tested and the results are statistically significant.
Let me run you through a quick scenario: I decide to shave my legs (ruining my next waxing opportunity) because the guy I am meeting tonight is really cute and seems super nice. I don’t necessarily want to hook up with him on the first date because, as he is really cute and seems nice, I would like the option to potentially date this person. However, for those very same reasons I don’t want to be some hairy beast if I do end up going home with him, so I shave my legs. Well, now I have put so much thought and time into this trivial decision that I am expecting to have a super awesome time and super un-hairy sex with this poor sucker who has no idea that he is going on a date with a proven psychopath. Thus, when he cancels 5 hours prior because he has appendicitis (this has actually happened to me), I am v. disappointed because I have beautifully smooth legs and no one to show them off to!
So there you have it. My argument for why deciding to shave my legs is one of the most difficult part of the dating game. I am forced to attend to something I’d prefer to ignore entirely, decide what I want the relationship to be before I’ve met the guy and set myself up for disappointment if it doesn’t work out. I hope I have been able to shed some light on another one of the countless annoying #justgirlythings that I’m sure men never even think to consider. Looking forward to the day I finally have enough cash to laser it all away for good.