6’ixin like a Vixen

Miranda here. Remember me? I’ve been MIA for a solid 8 months on this blog and I apologize profusely for that. Long story short- I took a 6 month hiatus from dating in general to focus on myself. There aren’t many stories to share other than a random hookup or two from a night out. However, just over a month ago I finally decided it was time to get back into the game the only way I really know how: Tinder.

I went on a couple dates and met a guy who I really liked but that ended just as quickly as it came (in typical Miranda fashion). Though, that can be a story for another time as the focal point of this post is what happened after and how I dealt with it. I was feeling pretty shitty and was trying to figure out the best way to recover. Cue the following weekend where for once in my life I had no solid evening plan which, if you know me personally, is a rarity as a self-proclaimed planning queen. I contemplated forcing plans onto friends to keep myself busy but then I was hit with a brilliant yet very un-Miranda-like plan. I decided this weekend would be for myself, by myself.

I was going to go out on my own Saturday night.

Yep, you read that right. A 20-something year old single girl going out in the 6ix alone. Sounds like a recipe for disaster? Probably but thank god those fears didn’t stop me.

I downed 2.5 drinks before I left for the night just to get a subtle buzz going and for liquid courage purposes. I then headed over to a neighbourhood dive bar where I was sure to meet interesting people. I walked in and it was disappointingly empty but I took a deep breath and sat at the empty bar and ordered myself a drink. 10 minutes in I had struck up casual conversation with the bartender/owner and the seats on other side of me were filled by two older men that seemed to be regulars of the establishment. I mustered up the courage and started speaking to both of them (neither of which I was actually interested in). You see, the goal of the night wasn’t necessarily to meet a guy to hook up with, but to learn to socialize with others without the social reliance of friends. I had some interesting conversations and learned that as my drunkenness progressed, it was time to get out of the dive bar and into an environment where I could dance.

I walked down the street to my favourite resto-bar and headed straight to the bar. Here, the men were much more attentive to me and I quickly received a few offers to do shots with them, which I happily obliged. But the night was young and I still wanted to dance and not get tied down to any guy so early on in the night, so I said my goodbyes and headed to the dance floor. Dancing on your own is a peculiar thing. It’s exhilarating and freeing, and I highly recommend more people to do it outside of the confines of their bedroom. Later on, I met a few more people and remained talking and dancing with them for the rest of the night. It was awesome witnessing so many strangers coming together and engaging like they had been friends forever when in fact their only commonality was the love of booze and conversation.  I left the bar with free drinks in my stomach and two slices of pizza in my hands – which in my drunken eyes is always the sign of a good night.

I know it might seem a bit strange and erratic for any young woman to do something like this. Typically you hear of older lonely men hitting up bars on their own and being complete creeps. But it’s time to recognize that this is definitely an option for us. Trust me, I was a bit nervous going into it but I knew I had to do it for me. I was surprised how open people were to talking to me, and although some thought it was unusual it didn’t stop them from being friendly. It didn’t hurt that I was wearing a conversation inducing outfit either ;).

Key takeaway: if you’ve ever craved to go out alone and do your own thing go for it! Screw social norms and what’s expected of us – if you want to have fun and be the best version of you, there’s no one stopping you but yourself.  It was an amazing and enlightening experience for me and definitely not the last time I’ll do this. It pushed me to socialize on a whole other level and to be content just being on my own. My only advice is to walk into the night with an open mind, be careful and tell some friends where you’ll be, and drink in moderation.

Make the 6ix your oyster!

If you try this out, please share your experience with us in the comments below!

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How to Stop Feeling Insecure on Dates

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By: Rachel Esco

We all wish we could strut into a dating situation with confidence soaring and heels stomping like a queen. Yet, for many ladies, creating this strong aura of confidence does not always come so easy. Some are just born with it, while others may find it harder to find their groove. This is completely normal. But unfortunately, if you struggle with confidence, it can sometimes suck the fire out of your romantic life. So, if you’re a self-believing woman who wants to own it in the dating world, here’s how to stop feeling insecure on dates.

Make him work for you

Make your date work for your approval, instead of desperately trying to win his. If you’re too eager to earn his thumbs-up, he’ll feel like you are inferior. Jumping through hoops will actually makes him lose interest because you’re doing all the chasing. After a few weeks, this power shift makes you feel insecure and less desirable.

So, the next time you find yourself on a date with a guy you like, try being more relaxed and invite him to work for your affections. Let him ask you more questions or flirt to seek your badge of approval.

Extinguish cockiness immediately!

Ever been on a date with guys who think they’re prince charming? These guys always find a way to mention their model ex or brag about how picky they are with looks, only to put themselves on a pedestal…ick! It’s vital for your confidence to avoid these clowns, but if you’re ever stuck on a date with one, you should learn to extinguish all that ego.

For example, he makes a cocky comment about how he rarely commits to a relationship status. Instead of sacrificing your security by wondering how you measure up to his standards, you should come back with a clever comeback about how you’re not concerned with tying him down in the foreseeable future. Ultimately, when nip his attitude right away, you avoid inflating his ego and bashing yours.

Believe you’re a prize

Knowing your value is the key to feeling confident on dates. If you genuinely believe in yourself, he’ll be more likely to want to invest his effort with you. It’s simply a matter of attracting vibes—people appear more desirable when they show self-belief; they exude an impressive aura that pulls in others.

To create this dynamic, you should date with the belief that you’re a prize who deserves to be pursued. Don’t be intimidated to openly show this attitude and make him see your self-love. Through this persona, you’re creating the reality that you’re someone who should be desired. Ultimately, whether he ends up chasing you or not, you should always date with confidence and grace.

Own it and don’t apologize

Never apologize for your dating goals. Many women worry about admitting that they want a relationship because they’re worried about scaring off the guy. Boo on him! This dating myth was likely concocted by jaded women with too many bad dates, who have spread these tales to prevent other women from falling into the same trap. Forget about the stories you’ve heard.

Hear these words: if a guy rejects you because you want commitment, he isn’t worth an ounce of your time, and the fault is his, not yours. Never apologize or feel bad for wanting the love, marriage and the whole nine yards. And never feel less secure about your dating goals just because a lousy jerk doesn’t share them. 

Master other dating apps

When in doubt, try your luck on another dating app. If your current ones are hoarded with perverted selfies and commitment-probes, maybe it’s time to find something better. There’s so many guys out there who aren’t jerks and won’t leave you feeling insecure. Considering closing your account if you’re using hookup apps like POF and Tinder and try Match or WhoWinkedMe, which are great for people searching for love, magic and all the good stuff. Ultimately, whatever you’re looking for, you should focus on a dating app that can give you the right results.

– Rachel Esco is a lifestyle blogger based in Toronto, known for her spicy articles on dating, beauty and nightlife.

The 7 stages of Getting Stood Up

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The Initial Inkling: You’ve made plans and things seem great, the big day arrives but…you guys aren’t texting. It’s ok, it’s cool…not a big deal. You don’t like texting all that much anyway, just message him if you haven’t heard anything after your shower…

Just message if you haven’t heard once your makeup is done…

Just message after this episode of How I Met Your Mother.

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The Breaking Point: Ok, so you’ve spent half the episode watching the clock and the other half checking your phone, enough is enough. It’s an hour before your date and the meeting place is at least a 40 min walk away….so you send a casual text: “Hey! Are you still good for 7-ish?”

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The Rationalization: “There’s no way!” you think to yourself. He seemed way more into you than you into him, if anything you should be the bailer instead of the bailed on! You think back to your most recent interactions, the sweet message suggesting how excited he was for your date, how he said he was “intrigued” by you and you’re totally flabbergasted. Maybe he got caught up at work, maybe his phone died, or maybe he was abducted by a terrorist organization that’s holding him captive until he builds them a weaponized, metal suit that ultimately defeats the terrorists and fight crime….

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The Iron Man scenario is totally plausible right?

The Realization: You open tinder (the birthplace of this beautiful relationship) and realize you can’t find your convo…He’s unmatched you, it’s 7:30 and you are text-less. You are officially being stood up.

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The Shame: You feel the colour rush to your cheeks when it hits you that this is real. You’re going to have to tell all your friends about this and that just friggen sucks. You don’t want to hear the supportive/pitying line “you’re too good for him” or that “there are plenty of fish in the sea”. You know that! Nonetheless, feelings of self-doubt envelop you as does the disappointing realization that you definitely won’t be hooking up tonight.

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The AW HELL NAW: At this point you magically transform into a strong, independent black woman who don’t need no man. Who dafaq does this guy think he is fkin witchu…. He’s nothing special and you are a queen. You run through all his potential faults  in your head and conclude that if he doesn’t want to meet you, it’s his loss…You laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation and finish off the glass of chardonnay sitting on the coffee table.

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Acceptance: You say “F*** IT”. Put on a push up bra, your fave pair of heels and get the eff back out there. There is NO use sitting on your ass moping over someone who did you wrong. Realistically, if he’s the type to pull this shit then do you really want that kind of guy anyway? Save yourself the pity party, take a shot and go have some fun!

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The Fling’s the Thing

I originally was writing this as a 2-part tale about one crazy week of my life. However, due to circumstances you can read about below, this story extends past one week. So if you need a refresher you can find Part 1 here.

Wow, you’re back! Ok… uhm, I really wasn’t expecting this!

JK I knew you’d be back. Reading my posts is like passing by a car accident: it’s a damn mess but you can’t bring yourself to look away.

Now, where were we? Oh yes. I had recently hooked up with King of the Douchelords and was feeling pretty low. So I did what every girl does when her self-esteem is reeling…I looked for validation elsewhere. Now don’t you worry my friends, I am acutely aware of how dangerous this can be, we’ve all been in the situation where you’ll settle for anyone just to get some attention. So instead of hitting up an ex or another potential fkboi, I turned to an option who seemed like the anti-douchelord: Boston Boy.

He had been messaging me consistently since our first date, making me feel pretty rotten for not giving him the time of day when he seemed like a great guy. I invited him over the following Sunday, this time to hang out in a park outside my building. It may sound dramatic but I was a little “traumatized” by the incident with King Douchlord two days prior (Part 1), and that combined with our very meh hookup was enough motivation to try keep him away from my bedroom. He didn’t seem to mind though and we spent all afternoon lying in the sun, chatting and sharing (more than) a couple of kisses. It was really sweet and exactly what I needed: time spent with a decent guy who I didn’t feel any sort of pressure to be with…he was heading back to Boston in 4 days after all.

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The following night, while home watching Bachelor in Paradise (#NoRagrets), he suggested coming over and I hesitantly agreed. I wasn’t down for another hookup that would leave me feeling anything but satisfied, but thankfully he did not disappoint. Our second hookup was significantly better than the first and it seems like he’d figured out how to use what (little) the good lord had given him. We hung out again the next night…I know, I know! 3 days in a row…take a chill pill amirite? He was leaving in two days anyway and we were having a lot of fun so it didn’t feel like normal rules applied.

I was glad I’d decided to give this fling a second chance, especially because this particular type works for me. When one person is local and the other is visiting it seems like the perfect opportunity for a successful fling as you can essentially do whatever you want without feeling like anything needs to be defined. The finish line is crystal clear from the get-go and for me and so many of my friends, the expectation of where something may lead is what mentally fucks with us the most. Between this guy and my love affair in Banff, I’m beginning to think I may be a spring fling queen.

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It’s actually really interesting if you think about it. I am the most successful with relationships when I don’t need to worry about the end game. Is this evidence that I self-sabotage by prematurely assessing how something will pan out or does it say something more general about modern dating? When we stop the bullshit, stop the games and just get to know the person we’re interested in, it’s pretty easy to build an awesome connection. Conversely, when you add all that “who texted who first” crapola, it ruins everything. I saw Boston Boy 3 days in a friggen row…and yes, that is a little excessive, but I can’t even imagine doing that if he wasn’t going to be disappearing at the end of it all. #FlingLyfe has shown me that being honest with someone and just acting on what feels natural is the best way to experience something that’s enjoyable and stress-free. Sure, that seems intuitive…but try it in practice I dare you! It is WAY harder to act easy and breezy when you’re planning baby names in the back of your mind during a third date.

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As usual I digress, and I’m sure you’re curious to hear how this whole thing played out. I was supposed to see him one more time before he left on Thursday and was happy to tie up my fling with a neat little bow. Well you know what they say about life right? It’s what happens when you’re busy making plans. His job got extended by a week giving us more opportunity to hang out and I saw him a number of times over the next week. Hell, my roommate’s boyfriend even met him.

Fast-forward to last night, I was set to see him once more as he left for Boston today, our 2-week fling-iversary #romancegoals. We met at his hotel and bar-hopped around the city sampling craft beers and apps for the next 5 hours. I’m not going to lie, after how awkwardly things had ended with my fling in Banff, I was nervous as to how my exit would go. Well, I’m happy to report that we have a fantastic night together and I left the hotel this morning with a kiss goodbye, my watch on my wrist (see Monsieur Formidable for reference) and zero awkwardness! He said he’d look me up if he was in town again and I was cool with that. I would also be cool if he didn’t look me up, but eh, that’s for Future Samantha to decide.

After discussing my night with Miranda this morning, she said she was surprised at how easily I could separate the emotional from the physical as I did spend a significant amount of time with this guy. I guess it must be because I was never really into him in that way. We got along great and feeling intimate with someone is generally nice, so it never felt like I had to separate my emotions, they just didn’t exist. I doubt that I would have continued hooking up with Boston Boy if he was local but that’s the beauty of this stage of life. We can make self-serving decisions, take risks and try things we wouldn’t otherwise all for the sake of having new experiences, both good and bad. All I can say is that the past 2 weeks have been a friggen whirlwind and that I’ve learned more about myself and relationships in 14 days than I have in the last couple of months. Baby steps people, baby steps.

King of the Douchelords

Disclaimer: I am writing this as a two-parter for those of you who frankly don’t care enough about my love life to subject yourself to this much reading. For those of you who do stay the course, I thank you and God help me. Part 2 here: The Fling’s the Thing

It all started about a week ago with a guy I’d been talking to on tinder. We agreed to meet up so he came over and we sat on my terrace drinking wine and chatting. When hunger struck we grabbed a bite, which he willingly paid for, before heading back to my place. We had a great connection, sharing a lot in common and I really enjoyed his company. It seemed only natural that he’d stay the night, which he did, but the next morning I couldn’t help feeling underwhelmed, in all departments if you catch my drift.

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As a consultant in town from Boston, he seemed like the perfect candidate for a fun little fling, but if I wasn’t interested in what this fling could offer then what was the point? Despite the okay hookup we kept chatting on and off but I wasn’t sure if I would see him again.

Fast forward to Friday night while out with some people from work. We were having a great time and I was vibing with this guy who I’d always thought was cute. He’d had a girlfriend till about a week prior but was now single so….I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Well, however you think this story ends, you’re probably wrong.

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Cut to the next morning after he’d gone home. I recounted the details of the night to Miranda who’d been out with us only to realize they were pretty friggen horrendous. I remembered feeling insulted and uncomfortable a number of times the night before but became increasingly bothered as I spoke the deets out loud… A highlight reel of my night with king of the douchelords:

  • We hook up and I immediately get a speech all about how I need to be aware that this was just a hook up, he’d just gotten out of a long term relationship and how I wasn’t to try trap him in something. Uhm excuse me sir? Could you be more patronizing??? You cleeearly know nothing about me because if you did you’d understand that I don’t want anything from you either. But ok, whatever, guys give this speech all the time (as I would soon find out) so I let it slide.
  • We continue to hook up and I kiss him – as normal people do – only to be asked why I had done that when we had just clarified that our hookup was strictly physical. This is when I started to say WTF. I am not a prostitute and will absolutely kiss you if you’re in my bed, its part of the package deal. I can separate kissing from emotions and if you can’t then that’s your problem, not mine…Douche.
  • And finally, the piece de resistance: he actually tried snapchatting a post-coital pic of me to his friends! And his response to my protests? “Don’t worry; your boobs don’t have to be in it”. WOW, really? Thanks so much, you’re such a great guy!!!

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If you can believe it he still had the audacity after all that to tell me that we should keep this between the two of us. Yea, cuz snapchat is a very private and intimate realm…Sorry bud, no can do, this is 100% going on my blog.

I couldn’t believe the rudeness of his behaviour, but you must remember that I was drunk too and ended up making a (BIG) mistake. He slept over – I did ask why the F he’d wanted to given his many rules about what “just a hook up” means – and we ended up hooking up again at 6:30 in the morning. He immediately ducked out to get ready for a noon brunch and….I know, I KNOW! Not only does that reasoning REEK of bullshit but I definitely shouldn’t have hooked up with him again. Uch, I never claimed to be innocent in this story.

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Anyway, those are the main points I’m actually willing to share about this experience but let it be known that this isn’t an exhaustive list of his douchebaggey behaviour. Obviously, I was really upset about it the next day, at him but even more so at myself for not having more self-respect. I was used but I had let myself be used and that was a tough pill to swallow.

I ended up moping around for the entire next day, feeling cheap and pretty disappointed in myself until sometime in the afternoon Charlotte mentioned she’d come to a male-related epiphany over a laffa wrap. Well, I couldn’t find any decent middle-eastern food, but I did find some peace after a long walk and a seriously emo playlist, and decided I would just chalk it up to a shitty experience that didn’t have to define me.

I’ll pause here, so if you’re only interested in hearing about one of the worst hook ups of my life then feel free to stop reading. But if you’ve been paying attention and are wondering what happened to Boston Boy I suggest reading on, because my next post is when I stop being a hoe and start getting real. The Real World – Toronto Edition.

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Mr. F*** Boy

Guest Post!!! The following entry is from our newest contributor to DTT6 and we know you’re going to love her 🙂 Sign off in the comment section below and let us know what you think. 

I am excited to share with you quite an exhilarating story that is quite out of character for me. The experience taught me a lot about myself, what I want in a man and more importantly all about the modern day fuck boy.  We have all heard of him or encountered him  – the boy/man who at the end of the day just wants to fuck and nothing else. It can be quite fun but does the short-term pleasure make the potential long-term aggravation worth it? Lets find out.

We matched on JSwipe and our conversation quickly escalated to the topic of “What brings you to this app?” He blatantly mentioned that he was strictly looking for someone to connect with on a physical level. At first I was a little weary but after casually talking for a few days his texts made me straight up horny. He expressed everything he liked in bed and explained to me that he definitely had a kinky side. He sounded spontaneous, exciting and made me feel comfortable about my desires and fantasies.  We would text all day until finally I couldn’t take it any longer – I wanted this guy! I wanted to unleash my wild side and told myself to have fun and go for it so we planned to meet up.

At approximately 9:00pm on a Thursday night, after a fashion show, I stood at the corner of King and John waiting for Mr. Fuck Boy to roll up and pick me up at the side of the road. (Seriously how fucked up and unsafe is that.) I entered this stranger’s car with a lot of nerves but they quickly faded away after he greeted me with a kiss! I was totally taken back but after we started to talk I couldn’t believe what a normal and nice guy he was. He drove to Cherry Beach and parked his car in the parking lot upon arrival. We wasted no time and had sex in the back of his car. Due to the lack of space, limbs were everywhere, clothes were stuck and we were very squished and close together. Positions were limited but this romp got the job done. I was satisfied. The chemistry was great and overall it was a totally fun, carefree and awesome experience. He drove me to where my car was parked and that was it for the night.

We made plans to do it all over again a few days later at a hotel that he had booked. To be honest I felt like a hoe meeting a guy at a hotel but YOLO. The sex was much better in a bed this time around and I found him to be quite cuddly for a Fuck Boy. After getting to know him more and having him tell me that he was not interested in engaging in any activity other then sex, I realized that I was just another casual fuck girl of his.  This guy was totally all about “why buy the cow when I can get the milk for free.” It didn’t sit very well. I didn’t want to be cuddled and caressed by someone I couldn’t catch feelings for. Overall, I had a great time with him and really enjoyed myself. We parted ways a few hours later with a quick kiss and left things as “see ya later.” He went three days without texting me, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but after I responded back to that message it took him another three days to respond. Ummm what? Mr. Fuck Boy better had his thumbs cut off or something?! Too long. Point blank, unacceptable in my opinion. Three days for a response did not sit well with me, like come on you’re not dead. After addressing this behaviour as a major red flag I realized that even if this was just a casual romp I should be texted back within a decent amount of time and at the end of the day I want more than just sex. I want a great dinner companion for the pre or post event – like lets be real! Anyways, after he expressed interest to meet again (after mentioning that he has been really busy lately) I politely declined telling him that even though I really enjoyed sleeping with him and that I had a truly amazing time, we wanted different things and it was best to not do it again. He put up no fight and accepted what I said with an “okay.” The End.

I learned a couple things about myself. Firstly, I definitely have a kinky side that I’d like to further explore and secondly I’m a total sex goddess and proud of it.  Despite these lessons, I realized that as a classy woman with high self-esteem, it is important for me to be treated like one. I know that I am more than just a body for some guy to fuck and its okay to say no and not give in especially if it won’t make me feel good or give me what I want.  There have been moments where after spending time with other boring guys who don’t sexually excite me I have considered re-connecting with Mr. Fuck Boy but at the end of the day I remind myself that it is just not a good idea. My advice to all you classy bitches out there is to know your self worth and don’t settle for a Mr. Fuck Boy who can’t give everything you want.

The Click

101009784Everyone has had a similar experience, whether with a friend or a romantic partner, you’ve met someone and instantly “clicked”. From the moment you two saw each other there was some sort of a metaphysical connection that drew you to one another.

It’s something more than mere attraction, it is as if something in the universe says you two need to connect. There’s no fighting it, like two magnets pulled together, your attraction is guaranteed.

I met K last summer while staying at a hostel. A friend of mine had a little too much to drink so I ended up dragging her butt back from the bar and taking care of her for a solid portion of the night. While sitting on the floor holding a garbage can to her face and trying to force feed her bread this insanely handsome guy came down the stairs and took a seat on the steps right in front of us. He kept me company while I consoled her and stayed to keep chatting after I finally managed to put her to bed.

We only spoke for a few hours that night because he had to catch a flight home in the morning. With no kiss or steamy one-night stand, we added each other on facebook and parted ways.

I’ve never had such an immediate connection to another human being. In those few hours I felt as though I wanted to tell him everything. It was an indescribably feeling, as if we were meant to play some sort of role in the others life.

After our wonderful chat I came to terms that I would never see K again but just a few days later he contacted me. We ended up speaking almost every day for a year. He became one of my closest friend. On the rare occasion, when we would video chat rather than message, we would talk for hours about everything you could image … our friends, travels, politics, aspirations and most importantly, one day, seeing each other again.

A year later I get to finally see my newly found best friend in the flesh. Against all odds our connection has maintained it’s strength and will soon be bringing us back together.

I have no idea if this person is meant to play a larger role in my life or not. Perhaps as a friend, companion, lover, or maybe our journey is intended to end upon our reunion. I can’t anticipate what will happen, but I’m excited to find out.

Swifting through guys

Taylor Swift, an artist known for her ability to master multiple music genres, having killer legs that could make a Victoria Secret model jealous and most notably, her serial dating style.

Since her recent breakup with the insanely handsome Calvin Harris and all-too-quick rebound, Tom Hiddleston, she’s left the world wondering… wtf is up with this chick, why is it that she just can’t get it right?

I for one want to send out a big thank you to Taylor. Thank you for being an actual human being. As a serial dater myself, I get it. It’s hard to find love, especially when you have such a vivid image of what you want to achieve in your life. You aren’t looking for someone to love you, you’re looking for someone to challenge, support and excite you.

So why does it matter if she’s jumped from guy to guy? Is society stating that there is something wrong with dating a number of people in an effort to meet the right one? That’s a pretty preposterous statement to make, isn’t it? How can we possibly judge someone for giving people a chance and trying to find that connection we all strive for.

Some people are lucky, they meet “the one” early on like a penguin that finds the perfect pebble for his mate, they’re tied at the hip from that moment on. Conversely, many of us like to test out the waters before jumping in. Why would there be so many fish in the sea if we weren’t meant to swim around with a number of them.

To all my single ladies (both famous and not so famous) – just keep swimming.