[Hey, if you haven’t read Part One, you might get confused. Click the link here!]
Carrie – In true blackout fashion, I remember saying “cheers” with my gal pal and Mr. Heart Emoji on our third round of tequila shots. Then not much more.
I am blackout at the pre but in cruel, cruel fashion, my brain can recall one interaction. Profusely flirting with Mr. Grilled Cheese, we end up as the only two people in the one of two rooms, probably because I was making everyone uncomfortable with my aggressive flirtation. (I was told later I was doing this IN FRONT OF Mr. Heart Emoji because I am a fuckgirl). I drunkenly confess to Mr. Grilled Cheese, “Well like you’re the last person I’ve slept with! Aren’t I the last person you’ve slept with?”
I still cringe at how much of an embarrassment I like to make my life. Then he stutters “uhhhh” for approximately a minute. I save him by telling him I know I’m not, call him a manwhore, and top it off with a, “But I know you’re into me.” To my dismay, he answers, “A little bit.” Me: “A little bit?” “Yeah, a little bit.” I swear I probably would have mounted him right there if we weren’t in public cause I am such a horny little drunk.
I end up at a bar. How I got there, not too sure. As far as I’m concerned, Mr. Grilled Cheese was not there. I remember snippets of sitting in a booth with my gal pals and Mr. Heart Emoji, and also snippets of drinking water out of the bathroom faucet, just to prove that 23 is still not a classy age. I think I had fun and my Visa bill proves that.
Now the next bit is where it gets interesting. There is a 24 hour diner near the bars in Ottawa. At that point, I was not aware of this. (Now that I am, that Visa bill will only continue to grow.)
Mr. Heart Emoji and I wind up there. Alone. I deduce he must have asked me to go at 2 AM because I’m confused why we’re in a booth alone and none of our friends join us. But I happily order a $16 burger (one that I later proceed not to eat a single bite of) when a classmate shows up. Now let’s call him Tree cause he is ridiculously tall and dresses like a lumberjack. Tree starts by asking if he’s interrupting me and Mr. Heart Emoji. We say no, then he sits beside me and Tree asks, “but you guys are gonna bang tonight, right?”
I sober up each and every time Tree alludes to Mr. Heart Emoji and me hooking up (which is every sentence out of his mouth). There were variations: “you guys are so cute together,” “you’re gonna get hot and nasty,” “Oh come on, just admit it you guys.” With a high threshold for embarrassment, the awkwardness of the situation proceeds to escalate to the point where I am holding my forehead, hoping it’ll end, and Mr. Heart Emoji can’t look me in the eye. If anything WAS going to happen with Mr. Heart Emoji and I, it was over now.
Around the eight time drunk Tree says “you guys are gonna bang tonight,” Mr. Heart Emoji pauses, then says “but she’s already banged Mr. Grilled Cheese.”
Mr. Heart Emoji has brought up the fact I slept with his good friend (who he is weirdly competitive with) approximately four times in front of me. This time, it was also in front of a complete stranger because I had just met Tree that night. Yes, okay, I fucked up. But for someone who has told me in front of his bud, “I don’t give a shit about what you do,” statements like this kinda make it seem like he does. I don’t know if I should be insulted or flattered or realize he’s harbouring some sort of feelings. This is the first time we’ve even come close to acknowledging some sexual tension between us. BUT, above all, I am frustrated that he can’t communicate any of this to me.
Of course the night doesn’t end there. We get in an uber, which Tree forces me into instead of letting me do my usual drunk walk, and we drop off Mr. Heart Emoji first. He gets out but NOT before Tree tells the uber driver we’re only making two stops and I’d be getting out with Mr. Heart Emoji.
I realize I forgot my phone and have to head to my gal pal’s who was holding it for me. Our ‘friend’, the same guy who heckled me for sleeping with Mr. Grilled Cheese on the plane with Mr. Heart Emoji, was at her’s for drunken chills. The three of us stay chatting until 4 a.m. when I confess my interest for Mr. Heart Emoji and he promises he’ll put in a good word for me. UGH CARRIE.
I miss my flight at 8 AM the next morning because I get home at 5 AM but not before texting Mr. Heart Emoji a pathetic “thanks for the uber, I’ll get you a beer sometime!”
Over the break, we chatted a little but Mr. Heart Emoji was away for the holidays. Mr. Grilled Cheese finds and adds me on snapchat, despite my flat-out rejections every time he’s tried to add me before.
When I rehash that last night to my friends from home, they all tell me the same thing: they’re too immature for you. I would be more forward but I have no idea what Mr. Heart Emoji feels. He’s also never gonna get over the fact I’ve been with his friend. Once the stigma like that sticks with you, I’m tainted and I don’t want to be with someone like that. So we’re stuck in an impossible dilemma where maybe, just maybe, it’s better we stay away from one another.
So that’s what I did. Coming back, I’m sure it was weird to him why I wouldn’t acknowledge him. I deleted them both off snapchat and I haven’t had one conversation with them since. I got Bumble. I went on three dates in a week. I’m trying to move on.
Tonight, I got a Facebook invite for a joint birthday party. Because, naturally, of course, as life would have it: Mr. Grilled Cheese and Mr. Heart Emoji have the same birthday…
I don’t foresee a part three but let’s see if I can contain the drinking. Signing off for now, Carrie.