Samantha – I matched with this guy on tinder a little while back that used to go to my high school. He’s a couple years older than me and I kind of had a crush on him back then (probably because he’s very tall), so I was pretty stoked to see the little matched animation pop up on my phone. However, in spite of us professing our love with the swipe of a thumb, I didn’t hear from him and quickly forgot about the whole thing.
Fast forward about a week to me riding the subway home pretty late. While sitting there minding my own business, a group of guys come breezing past me with Mr. Crushed leading the pack. I casually glanced in his direction, then turned away with a nonchalant flip of my hair like the bad bitch I am.
The next morning I awoke to a message from him asking if I wanted to come over. Yes! I thought. The hair thing totally worked. Unfortunately, I already had plans, and declined his offer by suggesting that we hook up some other time. I mean, how often do you get the chance to fulfill a high school crush that lives only 3 km away??
Turns out, poor timing was to be an ongoing trend, and I’d consistently get messages from him just as I got home or while out with friends. After a while, the weekly hook up invites started getting a little strange. Example:
Samantha – What are you doing tonight?
Mr. C – I don’t know maybe go out into the weird
Samantha – What do you mean? (I was a little drunk and did not interpret that weird probably meant world)
Mr. C – What do you mean (…)
Mr. C – Q and A
Samantha – I’m out, maybe later 😉
Mr. C –
Is this normal courting behavior?
There was the added irritant that he’d constantly send a follow up “o rly” or “ok no response” whenever I didn’t reply in under 5 minutes. Keep in mind, Tinder no longer shows when someone was last active so this dude clearly had NO CHILL. Anyway, this lil dance of ours continued for a couple weeks until this past weekend when I got a simple “Hi” at 1:30 am, while happily curled up in bed like a bug in a rug.
We chatted like normal people for about two minutes until he suggested that my decline of his invite was only a “soft no”. I hate when guys do this because if I say no, there is not some softness or hardness to it, I just mean no. He said some other things that were throwing me off, but you know what? I’ll just type out some of our convo for you.
Mr. C – I don’t know what is scaring you
S – Not scared, more so lazy
Mr. C – I would treat you royally. Don’t be tempting me. I’m here now
S – Whaaat (WHAAAAAT????? *fearing he is outside my house though I have provided no address*)
Luckily he was not outside my window but instead implying how “ready and close” he was in terms of *ahem* hooking up…I’m doing you all a favour by paraphrasing here. He eventually accepted that I wasn’t coming over, but told me that pushing him away only made him want to try harder and make the end result more fun. Yes I know how that sounds, so I just ignored the message and went to bed.
The next day marked our very last convo, which I will type verbatim with time stamps so that you can decide for yourself whether or not this guy is actually a lunatic.
Mr. C (12:39 pm): Hahah
Mr. C (12:49 pm): No answer
S – (1:00 pm): Lol I was at the gym…sorry (This is true, and I do not often tinder while squatting)
Mr. C (1:05 pm): hahah whatever, do you want to hook up?
Mr. C (1:27 pm): Ok have a nice day (Please take in that I was no longer at the gym and was now in the shower…)
Mr. (1:42 pm): So now there’s no answer.
Upon exiting the shower and realizing that this dude was both the most shameless and impatient person I’d ever met, I screenshotted the convo for the purpose of this blog, unmatched, and filed that crushed crush away in the “Do Not Open” files in the dark crevices of my mind.