Mr. 10(A) High School Musical

Carrie –  For the past nine months, I have withheld my re-born again virginity from potential suitors in hopes that the next guy that I slept with would amount to something more. Not necessarily as in a boyfriend and not even necessarily more than one night (although ideal) – I’m talking about someone that I felt a connection with.

What was this weird self-imposed pressure to make it meaningful? Well, you see, the next guy I would sleep with would be my tenth. For someone who lost her virginity to someone she loved for five years after, I hadn’t ever envisioned myself having sex with more than one partner, much less eight others after that. Sex should be something more than lust, right? I started losing what sex had meant to me so I became infactuated with this idea that hitting double digits – the big 10 – should be something. Maybe 10 would even be my next One + Nothing (1 + 0) because everyone else before that didn’t really mean much.

Yet alas, the spell has been broken…

10(a) : Mr. High School Musical

            Upon heading back into the cesspool that is Ottawa from my May abroad, I felt hopeful my first few days of June. “Summer is the best season in Ottawa,” everyone boasted. With a best friend from the 6ix moving in with me for the summer and a good drinking crew, I was looking forward to Canada’s 150th anniversary in the capital.

Continue reading “Mr. 10(A) High School Musical”

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Mindy Lahiri is a Lying Betch

You may be thinking: “Gasp! Oh no you di’int…How dare you desecrate the good name of Mindy Lahiri: OB-GYN, Sass Queen and spirit animal to millennial women everywhere!”

Well dear followers, I certainly di’id and someone had to say it. Now I know that Mindy is #goals, she’s smart, sassy, and hero to us all. (Clearly I’m girl crushing. Hard.)

While this is all true and I love The Mindy Project for so many reasons, our favourite Indian Gyno is also a Total. Lying. Betch. The woman who we look to as a guide through the treacherous waters of modern dating is really just reinforcing romantic tropes and unrealistic expectations for our relationships! What do I mean, you may ask? Well, let’s start with the ways in which Mindy meets men.

I mean, I have NEVER met a cute guy on…

…the subway

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…at my office

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…the office next to mine

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…on an airplane

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…or again on the FRIGGEN SUBWAY!!!

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Like, are there really this many single hotties hanging around waiting to be met in NYC? Because if so I have got to get out of the 6ix ASAP!

Maybe it’s just my current life stage that people aren’t looking to meet “The One”. There certainly are enough hot men walking around the financial district to satisfy one women, but how do you start talking to them as you pass by? I have eye-banged an embarrassingly large number of men as we’ve crossed paths, but starting an actual conversation in a natural and endearing way is extremely hard. I mean, COME ON, there is actually a dating app that lets you talk ONLINE to someone you’ve passed IN PERSON. Wtf is that about Happn?

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Back to the matter at hand.

If a young, fun, professional female in relatively good shape wants to meet a guy outside of the online dating world, how does she do it? Subtlety hand off a business card while walking past a hottie?  Or just say “Hi, you’re cute” and pray he doesn’t think you’re stalker? MINDY, LET ME KNOW…asking for a friend.

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I guess I don’t really hold it against her because despite seriously unrealistic ideations, I am still #TeamLahiri. Not only does she actually represent a positive body image in a world of human rakes, but she is probably one of the most relatable characters on television.

Exhibit A:

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and…

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or

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Lol been there…

Like Mindy, I am often a little too brash, a little too chaotic and a little too into wine.  And like our dramatic heroine I have not yet given up on ~love~. Sure, neither of us is a stranger to the one night stand and have had our fair share of setbacks (see any of my blog posts or seasons 1-5 of The Mindy Project)…But I honestly believe that one day all those mishaps will be fun anecdotes to share with the guy who’ll be foolish enough to love me (and Mindy) in spite of them.

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So maybe there isn’t a line of guys waiting to date me if I act entitled and obnoxious. So what? This is a TV show after all, and I’m not sooo delusional that I’d take all my life lessons from a woman who’d eat a bear claw off of the streets of NYC. The crux of the matter is Mindy is unapologetically herself and inspirational to all of us looking to find our inner Beyonce Pad Thai warrior.

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So cheers to Mindy, you’re a babe. I’ll let you sum up this post with my personal mantra for 2017. Can’t wait to see what shenaniganry we’ll both get up to this year…

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Recycled Love

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It’s Saturday night and I’ve decided to stay put in my sweats while watching Sex and the City reruns. The thing is, I’m pretty content with my night and lately I’ve found the need for solitude more and more appealing.

Recently, I found myself face to face with a thing of the past, more specificaly, a man from my past. Its your typical ex story, with the grand over the top breakup, the draining back and forths, and the endless supply of tears and drama. Unfortunately for me, this has been going on for just over a year, 14 months to be exact. Its that terrible cycle, you know, the familiar one. You cut the communication and decide it’s best to go cold turkey, and then its a text message on your birthday or a congratulations on graduating then sets this awful cycle in motion again. And every time you convince yourself it’s “different” and you’re both more mature this time around. And every time you actually believe the crap you say to justify your “connection”. But when is enough really enough? How far will we go to recycle old boyfriends? Should a relationship that ends really stay finalized, or should there be an open door for making something new out of something old?

I wish I had these answers. You can ask as many girlfriends as you choose to for these answers but you know you’ll wind up getting the same one from them all. The thing is, you can ask anyone whose opinion you value what to do, but I’ve found in my case it really doesn’t make any difference. All that matters is the way you feel and while that may seem obvious to most, how often do we really stay true to our own feelings and desires? Who is anyone else to tell you what to feel or who to talk to or who not to talk to for that matter? What I’m trying to say is that I think it’s alright not to know the right answers or which decision to make when it comes to matters of the heart. After all, isn’t the whole point of love to experience this epic highs and lows which make up our perception of the whole concept?

So how do you know when to call it quits for good or to give it another shot in the pursuit of love? Well you sure as hell shouldn’t ask me, I’m still finding that out.

Mr. Heart Emoji – Part I

Carrie – I’ve gotten to a point in my romantic experience, or perhaps my confidence level, where I can tell where I stand socially when I walk into a party of new people. I can tell the girls that want to be my friend and those that are wary cause I’m new meat and they’re not sure if I’m a threat or not. I can tell which guys are not interested and which guys want to take up some of my time to see if they are. The latter are the guys that stand by you at the party in a social group they know, just to put less space between you two. They’ll accidentally bump into you if you’re at a party when someone passes by or they’ll do a turn on the dance floor at an opportune beat to start dancing with you. Sometimes I’ll entertain the conversations by the food table while I munch on the free chips, mainly so I don’t look like that big of an antisocial fatty. However, I’m a firm believer in not leading a guy on that I have no interest in and I’m an expert at being straight-up with a guy to say no. Actually, I’m quite rude. But I’d rather be alone than feel lonelier trying to feel something for someone who it’s just not there with.

All this confidence is lost when it comes to a guy that I actually like.

Continue reading “Mr. Heart Emoji – Part I”

The Fling’s the Thing

I originally was writing this as a 2-part tale about one crazy week of my life. However, due to circumstances you can read about below, this story extends past one week. So if you need a refresher you can find Part 1 here.

Wow, you’re back! Ok… uhm, I really wasn’t expecting this!

JK I knew you’d be back. Reading my posts is like passing by a car accident: it’s a damn mess but you can’t bring yourself to look away.

Now, where were we? Oh yes. I had recently hooked up with King of the Douchelords and was feeling pretty low. So I did what every girl does when her self-esteem is reeling…I looked for validation elsewhere. Now don’t you worry my friends, I am acutely aware of how dangerous this can be, we’ve all been in the situation where you’ll settle for anyone just to get some attention. So instead of hitting up an ex or another potential fkboi, I turned to an option who seemed like the anti-douchelord: Boston Boy.

He had been messaging me consistently since our first date, making me feel pretty rotten for not giving him the time of day when he seemed like a great guy. I invited him over the following Sunday, this time to hang out in a park outside my building. It may sound dramatic but I was a little “traumatized” by the incident with King Douchlord two days prior (Part 1), and that combined with our very meh hookup was enough motivation to try keep him away from my bedroom. He didn’t seem to mind though and we spent all afternoon lying in the sun, chatting and sharing (more than) a couple of kisses. It was really sweet and exactly what I needed: time spent with a decent guy who I didn’t feel any sort of pressure to be with…he was heading back to Boston in 4 days after all.

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The following night, while home watching Bachelor in Paradise (#NoRagrets), he suggested coming over and I hesitantly agreed. I wasn’t down for another hookup that would leave me feeling anything but satisfied, but thankfully he did not disappoint. Our second hookup was significantly better than the first and it seems like he’d figured out how to use what (little) the good lord had given him. We hung out again the next night…I know, I know! 3 days in a row…take a chill pill amirite? He was leaving in two days anyway and we were having a lot of fun so it didn’t feel like normal rules applied.

I was glad I’d decided to give this fling a second chance, especially because this particular type works for me. When one person is local and the other is visiting it seems like the perfect opportunity for a successful fling as you can essentially do whatever you want without feeling like anything needs to be defined. The finish line is crystal clear from the get-go and for me and so many of my friends, the expectation of where something may lead is what mentally fucks with us the most. Between this guy and my love affair in Banff, I’m beginning to think I may be a spring fling queen.

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It’s actually really interesting if you think about it. I am the most successful with relationships when I don’t need to worry about the end game. Is this evidence that I self-sabotage by prematurely assessing how something will pan out or does it say something more general about modern dating? When we stop the bullshit, stop the games and just get to know the person we’re interested in, it’s pretty easy to build an awesome connection. Conversely, when you add all that “who texted who first” crapola, it ruins everything. I saw Boston Boy 3 days in a friggen row…and yes, that is a little excessive, but I can’t even imagine doing that if he wasn’t going to be disappearing at the end of it all. #FlingLyfe has shown me that being honest with someone and just acting on what feels natural is the best way to experience something that’s enjoyable and stress-free. Sure, that seems intuitive…but try it in practice I dare you! It is WAY harder to act easy and breezy when you’re planning baby names in the back of your mind during a third date.

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As usual I digress, and I’m sure you’re curious to hear how this whole thing played out. I was supposed to see him one more time before he left on Thursday and was happy to tie up my fling with a neat little bow. Well you know what they say about life right? It’s what happens when you’re busy making plans. His job got extended by a week giving us more opportunity to hang out and I saw him a number of times over the next week. Hell, my roommate’s boyfriend even met him.

Fast-forward to last night, I was set to see him once more as he left for Boston today, our 2-week fling-iversary #romancegoals. We met at his hotel and bar-hopped around the city sampling craft beers and apps for the next 5 hours. I’m not going to lie, after how awkwardly things had ended with my fling in Banff, I was nervous as to how my exit would go. Well, I’m happy to report that we have a fantastic night together and I left the hotel this morning with a kiss goodbye, my watch on my wrist (see Monsieur Formidable for reference) and zero awkwardness! He said he’d look me up if he was in town again and I was cool with that. I would also be cool if he didn’t look me up, but eh, that’s for Future Samantha to decide.

After discussing my night with Miranda this morning, she said she was surprised at how easily I could separate the emotional from the physical as I did spend a significant amount of time with this guy. I guess it must be because I was never really into him in that way. We got along great and feeling intimate with someone is generally nice, so it never felt like I had to separate my emotions, they just didn’t exist. I doubt that I would have continued hooking up with Boston Boy if he was local but that’s the beauty of this stage of life. We can make self-serving decisions, take risks and try things we wouldn’t otherwise all for the sake of having new experiences, both good and bad. All I can say is that the past 2 weeks have been a friggen whirlwind and that I’ve learned more about myself and relationships in 14 days than I have in the last couple of months. Baby steps people, baby steps.

Mr. F*** Boy

Guest Post!!! The following entry is from our newest contributor to DTT6 and we know you’re going to love her 🙂 Sign off in the comment section below and let us know what you think. 

I am excited to share with you quite an exhilarating story that is quite out of character for me. The experience taught me a lot about myself, what I want in a man and more importantly all about the modern day fuck boy.  We have all heard of him or encountered him  – the boy/man who at the end of the day just wants to fuck and nothing else. It can be quite fun but does the short-term pleasure make the potential long-term aggravation worth it? Lets find out.

We matched on JSwipe and our conversation quickly escalated to the topic of “What brings you to this app?” He blatantly mentioned that he was strictly looking for someone to connect with on a physical level. At first I was a little weary but after casually talking for a few days his texts made me straight up horny. He expressed everything he liked in bed and explained to me that he definitely had a kinky side. He sounded spontaneous, exciting and made me feel comfortable about my desires and fantasies.  We would text all day until finally I couldn’t take it any longer – I wanted this guy! I wanted to unleash my wild side and told myself to have fun and go for it so we planned to meet up.

At approximately 9:00pm on a Thursday night, after a fashion show, I stood at the corner of King and John waiting for Mr. Fuck Boy to roll up and pick me up at the side of the road. (Seriously how fucked up and unsafe is that.) I entered this stranger’s car with a lot of nerves but they quickly faded away after he greeted me with a kiss! I was totally taken back but after we started to talk I couldn’t believe what a normal and nice guy he was. He drove to Cherry Beach and parked his car in the parking lot upon arrival. We wasted no time and had sex in the back of his car. Due to the lack of space, limbs were everywhere, clothes were stuck and we were very squished and close together. Positions were limited but this romp got the job done. I was satisfied. The chemistry was great and overall it was a totally fun, carefree and awesome experience. He drove me to where my car was parked and that was it for the night.

We made plans to do it all over again a few days later at a hotel that he had booked. To be honest I felt like a hoe meeting a guy at a hotel but YOLO. The sex was much better in a bed this time around and I found him to be quite cuddly for a Fuck Boy. After getting to know him more and having him tell me that he was not interested in engaging in any activity other then sex, I realized that I was just another casual fuck girl of his.  This guy was totally all about “why buy the cow when I can get the milk for free.” It didn’t sit very well. I didn’t want to be cuddled and caressed by someone I couldn’t catch feelings for. Overall, I had a great time with him and really enjoyed myself. We parted ways a few hours later with a quick kiss and left things as “see ya later.” He went three days without texting me, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but after I responded back to that message it took him another three days to respond. Ummm what? Mr. Fuck Boy better had his thumbs cut off or something?! Too long. Point blank, unacceptable in my opinion. Three days for a response did not sit well with me, like come on you’re not dead. After addressing this behaviour as a major red flag I realized that even if this was just a casual romp I should be texted back within a decent amount of time and at the end of the day I want more than just sex. I want a great dinner companion for the pre or post event – like lets be real! Anyways, after he expressed interest to meet again (after mentioning that he has been really busy lately) I politely declined telling him that even though I really enjoyed sleeping with him and that I had a truly amazing time, we wanted different things and it was best to not do it again. He put up no fight and accepted what I said with an “okay.” The End.

I learned a couple things about myself. Firstly, I definitely have a kinky side that I’d like to further explore and secondly I’m a total sex goddess and proud of it.  Despite these lessons, I realized that as a classy woman with high self-esteem, it is important for me to be treated like one. I know that I am more than just a body for some guy to fuck and its okay to say no and not give in especially if it won’t make me feel good or give me what I want.  There have been moments where after spending time with other boring guys who don’t sexually excite me I have considered re-connecting with Mr. Fuck Boy but at the end of the day I remind myself that it is just not a good idea. My advice to all you classy bitches out there is to know your self worth and don’t settle for a Mr. Fuck Boy who can’t give everything you want.

The Click

101009784Everyone has had a similar experience, whether with a friend or a romantic partner, you’ve met someone and instantly “clicked”. From the moment you two saw each other there was some sort of a metaphysical connection that drew you to one another.

It’s something more than mere attraction, it is as if something in the universe says you two need to connect. There’s no fighting it, like two magnets pulled together, your attraction is guaranteed.

I met K last summer while staying at a hostel. A friend of mine had a little too much to drink so I ended up dragging her butt back from the bar and taking care of her for a solid portion of the night. While sitting on the floor holding a garbage can to her face and trying to force feed her bread this insanely handsome guy came down the stairs and took a seat on the steps right in front of us. He kept me company while I consoled her and stayed to keep chatting after I finally managed to put her to bed.

We only spoke for a few hours that night because he had to catch a flight home in the morning. With no kiss or steamy one-night stand, we added each other on facebook and parted ways.

I’ve never had such an immediate connection to another human being. In those few hours I felt as though I wanted to tell him everything. It was an indescribably feeling, as if we were meant to play some sort of role in the others life.

After our wonderful chat I came to terms that I would never see K again but just a few days later he contacted me. We ended up speaking almost every day for a year. He became one of my closest friend. On the rare occasion, when we would video chat rather than message, we would talk for hours about everything you could image … our friends, travels, politics, aspirations and most importantly, one day, seeing each other again.

A year later I get to finally see my newly found best friend in the flesh. Against all odds our connection has maintained it’s strength and will soon be bringing us back together.

I have no idea if this person is meant to play a larger role in my life or not. Perhaps as a friend, companion, lover, or maybe our journey is intended to end upon our reunion. I can’t anticipate what will happen, but I’m excited to find out.

50 First Interviews

 

interviewsThe way I see it, a job interview is pretty much like a first date. It’s  a little awkward at first and you never know how it will turn out, but the main goal is to impress whoever is on the other side of the table. Will you be compatible with what they’re looking for, or be left with the bitter disappointment of never being called back?

To ensure you’re not a first-date disaster, follow one simple rule: Always Be Prepared. This means looking your best and making sure you know what you’re getting yourself into. Appearance is reality, and a clean shirt and combed hair go a long way with making a good first impression. This also means knowing how to present yourself in any given situation. By now, you probably have automated answers to questions like “Where do you see yourself in five years” or “Tell me about yourself”, but sometimes you’ll get the perfect question to throw you off. For example, “If you were a flavour of ice cream, which one would you be?” To which the smart person would answer “I’d be vanilla, because it’s fantastic on its own, but even better when paired with any other flavour!” This person would have spent the entire time they were getting ready thinking up ridiculous questions so as not to be stunned and speechless when put on the spot. Don’t worry, the point of these questions is not necessarily to give the perfect answer but to see how your mind works under pressure, so just be yourself!

However, sometimes even the smoothest of talkers make some serious mistakes. I remember once when asked if I had any questions about the company, I wasn’t even fazed. I had done my research, was properly prepared and ended up asking a pretty great question…about another company I was interviewing with later that week! REMEMBER, If you’re going to play the field, make sure you get the names right!

The most important thing to keep in mind when preparing for any interview is to always do a little bit of a research on that mysterious person on the other side of the table. This doesn’t mean Facebook stalking your potential employer, but understanding the background of a company, their likes and interests show that you care about the position and will prove that you’re that special someone that they’ve been looking for!

Monsieur Formidable

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Samantha – After months of hibernation I have finally returned!! As explained in previous rants (see “I’m in a fk funk” for reference) I had totally dismissed the dating game that I was so heavily invested in just a couple months ago. I was exhausted of the game and putting in the effort, evidenced by the fact that I have had MINIMAL male interaction since I ran out on Mr. Views. Even when I did hook up I was totally unenthused, bored and not wanting to write another mundane blog post about it…yea not a great sign. However, I am happy to report that the funk has officially been broken and I have something worth sharing.

I went to Banff for a 5-day vacation over the May long weekend. I had planned this trip back in January when I was still living at home and badly needing an escape. I felt so claustrophobic in my parents’ house so I spontaneously booked a solo trip, which most of my friends found pretty odd. As a textbook extrovert and over-thinker, it seemed likely that I’d lose my damn mind if the only person I had to talk to was myself. Honestly, at the time I was feeling so stuck and frustrated in my parents’ house that the idea of doing something completely independent and outside my comfort zone seemed crucial to maintaining my sanity. Fast forward 4 months and I’ve since moved out, turned 23 and am much happier. I began to wonder: What would my trip be like? Would I meet cool people? Have some life-changing spiritual journey? Get mauled by a bear hiking alone in the woods? Nervous and excited, I hopped on a plane not knowing I was headed on an adventure that would greatly surpass my expectations.

I arrived in Banff Thursday afternoon filled with energy. It was too late in the day for a hike so I wandered around town taking in the sights and planning the next few days. I had come to Banff with a mission to get laid and was looking for an opportunity to increase my odds…so I decided to re-download tinder.

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Turns out there are TONS of hot and horny guys in Banff and I quickly started chatting up a few. Monsieur Formidable (Mr. Wonderful) ended up asking me out first and I said yes. He’s 26, from Quebec, working in Banff and has a rockin bod…All qualities of the perfect vacation companion.  We grabbed a couple beers at a bar and began chatting about who we were, where we worked and what drugs we’d done in the past – you know, normal first date stuff. We discovered we both like shrooms and decided to do some that night because WHY NOT?

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We did them outside my hostel and spent most of the night having life chats. I was just thinking “Dayum this guy is great!” when he laid some really weird news on me: he’s an alchemist.  I’m still not sure WTF that means but all I know is it’s a religion that focuses on getting to new levels, out of body experiences and attaining dream states…My poor, high brain could not take this seriously and I had to literally cover my face to keep from laughing. Anyway, I didn’t see him as anything more than a way to have some fun over the next few days, so I moved past it and we ended the night with a really hot hookup in the shower closet (yes, the shower in the hostel was literally a closet).

The next day he insisted on coming hiking with me, which was SO refreshing as guys from Toronto generally show affection by acting totally disinterested in the girl they’re seeing. We went on a long hike, took some cute pics by a waterfall (are we dating? Let me know), and really got to know each other. No religion stuff came up and I found myself thanking the Tinder Gods for providing me with someone nice, fun and pretty damn cute. After the hike we went to these hot springs where things literally heated up. Amongst all the other couples it felt like a pretty romantic setting for two people who’d just met, but I actually liked it. Usually that kind of stuff makes me feel cheesy and weird but the whole thing was really comfortable so I continued to go with the flow.

I’d anticipated going home after but Monsieur Formidable invited me over for some food instead . We stopped by a grocery store and got everything needed to make homemade burgers, salad and dessert. I mean, COME ON, was this guy for real? It was so cute and felt like something out of the kind of romance movies I usually make fun of. We spent most of that night in his bedroom and let me tell you this guy is without a doubt the best I’ve ever had. Like no contest. Anyway, I found out the next morning that he has to sign in his guests (he stays in some sort of staff accommodation) and had signed me in for the 3 nights I had left in Banff after our first night together. See what I mean about not being afraid to show interest?

The next day was pretty phenomenal. He had to work so I went on a solo expedition up Tunnel Mountain and even made it to Lake Louise. I got SO lucky with the weather while I was away, the forecast had called for rain the entire time but so far all I’d had was sun and clear skies. Heck, I even got a bit burnt on top of Tunnel Mountain. That night I went down to our hostel bar for some drinks. The bar was actually wrapping up around the same time Monsieur Formidable got off work so I headed over there for the night. We had an amazing night together, details can be assumed, and lazed around the next morning cuddling and chatting. ME. CUDDLING. I don’t think you realize the gravitas of this kind of situation. I don’t cuddle….usually. Oh dear, you can probably see where this is going can’t you?

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He had work again the next day so I drove out to Marble Canyon in B.C. with this guy from my hostel. The canyon was absolutely breathtaking and I am still in awe just thinking about the view. After this I stopped by Canmore to visit a friend for dinner. By the time I got back to Banff that night I was exhausted and crashed for a couple hours knowing that I wouldn’t be getting much sleep staying over at Monsieur Formidable. At this point I had slept in my hostel only once and was regretting paying for all 4 nights up front…Later that night I went out with 2 Swedish girls from my hostel to this bar FILLED with Australians and other international travellers. It was a weird experience being one of the only Canadians in my own country but I was having an amazing time.

So how did this love affair end you might ask? Well, I’m a firm believer that things don’t truly end unless they end badly, so it makes sense that I’d find some way to screw up an almost perfect 5-day stretch. I can pinpoint the exact moment when things started to change for me. We’re lying in bed on the 4th morning, talking about our exes and he tells me that his relationships usually last up to two weeks before he gets annoyed or bored…he then proceeds to tell me that it would take a lot longer than that for me to annoy him if I was staying in Banff. Seems like a sweet but innocuous comment right? Well, maybe for a  normal person. But for me, someone who RARELY gets emotionally invested it tugged at my heart a little. Here is someone that I have grown rather fond of and everything seemed simple until it was ending and I actually liked him! At the time I hadn’t realized this but that night, when I went out with Swedish girls, I ended up leaving the bar because he couldn’t get in. Uh oh, this wasn’t what my trip was supposed to be…Here I am having an amazing time on my last night in Banff and I leave to go hang out with a guy I barely know. This was probably a sign that I should probably check myself before I wreck myself but I didn’t see it.

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We went back to his place, totally normal…except that it wasn’t. Now, as neither of us is a relationship person I can surmise that he might react similarly to me, but in reality this next part is an assumption of his behaviour based on how I explain my own. Generally when I am feeling vulnerable I have the tendency to push people away. You know, like push someone away, if they leave you were right all along but if they come back it means alot. It’s a pathetic defense mechanism, I know, and one that I’ve employed too many times. Well, while at his place some random guy messaged me on tinder and I checked it as a joke. Yea I know, dick move on my part. He immediately got weird and told me to talk to the random if I’d wanted even though I clearly did not. Then, while telling him about my night out with the girls, he made a comment about not being able to hook up with them because of me. I said “Why not? I’m leaving tomorrow, I don’t care” and he said something about how I wouldn’t be allowed to care either way. The point is, it seemed like we were both suddenly acting like we didn’t give a shit, and I doubt he would change from being an incredibly sweet, considerate person for 4 days into a fuckboi overnight. Maybe I’m naïve but I just don’t see it. Especially when I know that I was being bitchy in an arcane attempt to protect myself from getting hurt.

The rest of the night was filled with similar weirdness. We hooked up as per the usual but for the first time it wasn’t AMAZING. In fact, it was the first time I didn’t finish at all, let alone multiple times. I guess it really had gotten emotional for me. I felt pretty much responsible for the weirdness but couldn’t seem to stop from acting that way despite being painfully self-aware about it. I lay awake most of the night thinking about it how I messed up the ending of an almost a perfect week and being pissed off that I couldn’t have had a more mature emotional response. I continued to get increasingly upset until I decided “fuck it, I’m leaving”. I got up and dressed, and without much protest from him it became pretty clear he probably wanted me to leave as well. With a kiss goodbye I headed for the door, laughing when he called out “nice to meet you” from his bed. In that moment I realized how stupid I was for getting invested despite my best intentions. This guy was still pretty much a total stranger and I was friggen embarrassed.

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I headed to the nearby Bow Falls as it was the one sight I had yet to visit and really needed to clear my head. After walking around for about 40 minutes I realized I FORGOT MY FUCKING WATCH. Oh God, now I had to go back and have another awkward goodbye. He met me at the front door with the watch and after a weird kiss on my neck and a quick hug, we bid adieu, this time for real. How badly I wish we could’ve ended more positively but such is life. I honestly think that I have such a hard time dealing with emotions because I don’t let myself experience them often enough. When I do it hits me like a ton of bricks and makes me act like a psycho.

All in all I am really thankful for the experience no  matter the outcome. It was really nice having someone to be with, talk to and straight up, he was phenomenal in bed. Maybe I was dicknotized and drunk with hormones, but the whole thing showed me that I’m clearly interested in a relationship and should just hold out for something better than what I’ve settled for in the past. At the end of the day we never would’ve have worked out  – the alchemy thing alone is enough to send me running – but for the 5 days I was there he was a wonderful host and perfect gentleman. My only hope is he looks back at our short whatever it was fondly instead of being clouded by the weirdness that hung over the ending.

Banff totally captured my heart in every way. I fell in love with the mountains, fell in lust with a French guy and would happily return if the opportunity arose once again. This trip was everything I needed and more, and truly proved that the West coast is the best coast!

Till next time, S ❤

 

 

 

Mr. Brazil

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Carrie – So after three months off of the dating app game, I found that my dating game had gone seriously downhill as well. There were a couple of guys here and there, but nothing that panned out and nothing I was excited about. I downloaded Happn because I thought it was the closest dating app that paralleled meeting someone in real life and in fact, I’ve had many an awkward run in with people on the app that I subway home with on the daily. Added bonus: I knew that Mr. Namaste was on it and things were either gonna “Happn” between us or not but I really needed to get over my little yoga crush. We matched. I messaged him “hey stranger, see you in class” (He didn’t respond. I haven’t seen him in class. I’m sure it’ll be awkward when we do. Nothing happened. I’m over it.)

It’s also the most overwhelming dating app for someone who is just getting back in the game. Your options are presented to you all at once, it tells you how many times you two have “crossed paths” and even narrows it down to the exact location. It’s tough to make a splash because unlike Tinder or Bumble or other swiping apps, the spotlight isn’t on your profile and guys don’t need to decide via swipe one way or another. Instead, your profile (aka your main picture) has to be attracting enough for someone to notice you out of the four options available on the screen. As a chick who is often picked somewhere in the middle of the pack when captains are choosing their sports teams, it seemed daunting to get anyone to match me.

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