Señor San Fran

Guac-Crop

If you’ve been reading my posts lately you’d know that I was in San Francisco last week and definitely not behaving myself, which makes for the best blog content (if I do say so myself). And if you’ve been reading along, you’d know that I’d been on a pub crawl the night before, meeting tons of new people all with the same thing on their mind: hooking up.

At bar two on the pub crawl, I met Señor San Fran, a tall, dark and handsome glass of water from Mexico (lol, yes I’m a huge tool) who sang me Happy Birthday and bought endless rounds of drinks. I’d never hooked up with a Latin guy before, but was definitely interested in getting chipotlaid and liked his vibe. We exchanged numbers and apparently he’d tried to message me that night, but a lack of service on my end had different plans. The next day I saw an undelivered text to an unknown number in my phone and messaged it via WhatsApp like the 21st century thirst trap I am.

Well, I’m glad I did because on my last night in San Fran I hit the bars HARD with Señor SF, Charlotte, and a couple friends we’d made along the way. After a long night of beer olympics, a Dancehall club and a house party in the middle of nowhere, we ended up together on a bench outside my dorm . The time was 3 in the morning and I had to leave for the airport at 5 am, but despite being so tired that I couldn’t formulate sentences I was determined to get a goodbye kiss.

Eventually he leans in and plants one on my cheek of all places…My facial expression, which must’ve read something like “Dafaq”, prompted him to say “That was super lame wasn’t it”. I nod and he reaches under my chin and pulls me in for a real freaking kiss. I mean, DAMN. Fireworks people.

From there things went from 0 – 100 real quick. He asks if I want to go to the shower down the hall (the same shower from the night before I might add…for SHAME Samantha) and I say “yes” unsure how to tell him that I have already fornicated in that room and would prefer to desecrate a new location. Again, hooking up in hostels is HARD.

Compared to the night before, which was rushed and intense, this was soft and slow…but equally, if not more, awesome. You know what they say about Latin lovers amirite? In fact, I didn’t even realize how hot it really was until some guy yelled at us to shut up…I’ve never really been one for discretion….Sarrrrry.

After getting dressed and saying our goodbyes I went back to my dorm to grab Charlotte and our suitcases…it was time to go to the airport.

I may not have gotten much sleep that night but it was well worth it, and texting him back and forth since then hasn’t been half bad either. I guess I took the phrase “ending with a bang” to a whole new level this trip and couldn’t have asked for a better end to an already incredible vacation. Damn, between Monsieur Formidable last year and now UK Bae/Señor SF, I’m clearly spending my birthdays travelling the world more than just geographically, if you now what I mean 😉

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Mr. Family Man

Samantha – Lordy lord, the situations I get myself into…I don’t even know how I manage to fail so hard but lucky for y’all, I do. Please enjoy yet another amusing anecdote that is hopefully not indicative of my love life for the entirety of 2016.

I was in Mexico over the holidays with my family and our cousins from the States.  My cousin Jenna* suggested I check out j-swipe at our resort as Mexico is one of two breeding grounds for Jews over the holidays (the other being Florida).  I ended up matching with this really good looking guy who was totally my type and whose description said he was South African born and Toronto living. KK this is ideal.  A guy with the same background with me, cute and seemingly interested! We chatted it up and tried to make plans to hang out, which turned out to be a lot harder than you’d think it would be on vacay. But it’s cool, no biggie. I figured if we didn’t meet up in Mexico, we could always reconnect in the 6ix.

Anyway, I ended up telling Jenna about Mr. Family Man as she was the one who had initially motivated me to swipe it up in the first place. After describing him she asks: “Is his name Mr. Family Man?” Ya…why? I was slightly weirded out, but figured that there are only so many people swiping in the area so she must’ve come across him as well.

If only.

Turns out that she had in fact seen him on j-swipe but hadn’t matched because….drum roll please……Mr. Family Man is also my COUSIN.

Yes people, I was flirting with my cousin and I had no idea. How friggen hilarious is that?  Obviously the cute guy with a similar background to mine who’s actually interested is also a relative.

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Ok, ok…this isn’t actually as absurd as it sounds. We’ve never met before and are related through our great-grandmothers, making him my 4th cousin or something, which isn’t even blood related! So this isn’t some sort of Karen smith/Seth Mosakowski situation, but is still WAY too weird to even consider continuing to talk to him in a non-familial way.

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The best part: I was supposed to go for dinner with his fam while in Mexico, but he’d come down for vacay after a month away in China and was too jetlagged to do dinner. This situation could only be more ridiculous if we had discovered we’re cousins while having dinner with the rest of our family.

The big question remains: should I tell him?? Please weigh in loyal followers; I have yet to answer his last message but this is too funny not to share! Who knows, maybe he won’t be totally freaked out and will want to be friends. We could even wingman for the other, family always supports each other out right?

*name changed to protect my secret identity