Mr. Grilled Cheese

Carrie – I am no longer a young professional living in the 6ix. As much as I loved shitting around in what my father termed my “sabbatical” year in a great city, I’ve decided to move to a sleepier town. I’ve immerse myself back into an academic environment filled with intelligent, like-minded individuals, and a ton of… general douchebags. Welcome to the world of law school.

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Since I began two months ago, I have projectile vomited on a bus in front of my friends, peed behind a school building on campus, fallen on my face on a boat cruise, woken up with a leg full of bruises, developed viral conjunctivitis (aka a case of the pink eye), gotten a cold twice, and just generally killed it at life it seems. Maybe it’s the fierce female squad I’ve made (our group chat is the “Pro Boners”) and their bad influence on me but realistically, it’s probably just me.

One Saturday, after 12 hours in the library, my friend and I took one break to stop for linner at around 3. With that having been my only meal of the day, my mind being exhausted, and my overall track record of making bad life choices, I am fucked by 8:30 p.m. when we head over to this bro’s house for a pre.

I show up and I am the most ‘lit-lit’ out of all of us. I was hoping one of my crushes would be there – he’s a year younger but we went to the same alma mater, he’s well-spoken, tall, with these cerulean eyes that are alarmingly entrancing. He had been messaging me a couple of weeks earlier, even sending me heart emojis that the Pro Boners collectively freaked out over, so I had this pent up sexual tension I was hoping to explore with Mr. Heart Emoji.

Naturally, I sleep with his best friend.

Continue reading “Mr. Grilled Cheese”

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Sick of men? Try women…

CITIZEN_VIBES_002This post, written by both Samantha and Stanford, were out and about in the 6ix on Saturday night and greatly inspired by a situation that transpired at the bar. No, it’s not about the men or the overpriced drinks (shout out to Carrie who got a $13 drink – tip: DO NOT have the bartender make a recommendation, you will definitely regret it) but rather it’s about the incredibly hilarious and candid conversation between two betches in the bathroom. We’re sure you’ve all been there and can remember similar encounters of your own, but what we heard on Saturday was too hilarious and inspiring not to share (…inspiring for our blog that is 😉 )

Let’s set the scene a little…Samantha, Carrie and Stanford head to the bathroom in a pack – as ladies often do – to freshen up. While there, Samantha and Stanford overheard a conversation and immediately looked at each other thinking the same thing: we have got to remember this for the blog. So, before discussing this wonderful convo, let’s share the notes we took verbatim from inside the bathroom. (Keep in mind, drunk note-taking is not my forte – Samantha)

Overheard in the citizen bathr
I thought my therapist was gay
You a. Switch teams, Samantha did it for a couple episodes
I’m gonna date women for a bit,,,for serious
No just for fun

This note really is a thing of poetry including metaphor, abbreviation and great liberties with sentence structure and punctuation. But for those of you not well-versed in drunk female, let’s clarify a little bit. The star of our story, a very pretty, very drunk blonde 20-something year old,  was dramatically complaining about men in a way we all so often do: I’m tired of tinder, men suck, I’m just going to give up and become a lesbian etc. etc. (Preach sista). She goes on to suggest that her therapist – reasons as to why she has a therapist remain unclear – is gay, and her friend immediately suggests making a move.

Good idea? At the time we didn’t even think about it, devoting all of our energy to this inebriated investigation and not drunkenly giggling too loudly. Let us tell you, these women were totally serious in their thinking that switching teams is 1. A choice and 2. Actually a good idea. Focusing on the latter,  these women in the Citizen bathroom were actually so turned off by men that it was a serious consideration to start browsing for women (SOS! please tell us the men in the 6ix aren’t so horrible that we’ll need to start dating each other). And they’re not just talking about any women, they’re talking about dating the woman who knows your deepest, darkest secrets and fears, your therapist. Sounds more like a nightmare than a happily ever after if you ask us.

Funnily enough, her friend ended up trying to convince her to go for the therapist by suggesting that it was a good idea because, hey, Samantha Jones did it for a couple episodes on SATC and she is clearly the epitome of an emotionally stable adult so why not copy her? Well, from the person emulating Samantha for the sake of this blog, let me tell you that her character is not the benchmark for healthy, adult relationships and shying away from love because you’re sick of getting hurt is only going to delay finding “The One” in the end. Also, maybe we should remind these women that Samantha on the show is not a real person. She is a character and while her sexual liberation is inspiring and encouraging, we wouldn’t base our life decisions off her ever erotic story line (i.e. switching teams). 

Overall the whole conversation was friggen hilarious. In keeping with my namesake, I – Samantha – must admit that I am not totally opposed to hooking up with a fellow female just for fun. In my opinion, often a hook up is just a hook up, so if there are no emotions involved I don’t see a problem with two willing parties having a good time, no matter the gender. (To each his..or her own..have fun – Stanford). HOWEVER, we agree that getting involved with YOUR THERAPIST is never a good idea, nor is becoming a “lesbian” because you’re having man troubles. Maybe instead of switching teams you can take a break from the game all together, grab a seat on the bench and rest up for the next round.

Clearly this was a very drunk conversation, we honestly couldn’t even decipher all the notes we took while in the bathroom. More than likely Blondie woke up the next day incredibly hungover but entirely straight. Nonetheless, we couldn’t help but enjoy the humour behind this conversation and also appreciate the fact that everyone in Toronto struggles with the same things that we do. Dating is hard, but it doesn’t matter if you’re a Samantha, Stanford, Carrie, Miranda or Charlotte, “no matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends”. (SATC, S2:E1, Take Me Out to the Ball Game) And we’re so glad to have each other ❤