The Click

101009784Everyone has had a similar experience, whether with a friend or a romantic partner, you’ve met someone and instantly “clicked”. From the moment you two saw each other there was some sort of a metaphysical connection that drew you to one another.

It’s something more than mere attraction, it is as if something in the universe says you two need to connect. There’s no fighting it, like two magnets pulled together, your attraction is guaranteed.

I met K last summer while staying at a hostel. A friend of mine had a little too much to drink so I ended up dragging her butt back from the bar and taking care of her for a solid portion of the night. While sitting on the floor holding a garbage can to her face and trying to force feed her bread this insanely handsome guy came down the stairs and took a seat on the steps right in front of us. He kept me company while I consoled her and stayed to keep chatting after I finally managed to put her to bed.

We only spoke for a few hours that night because he had to catch a flight home in the morning. With no kiss or steamy one-night stand, we added each other on facebook and parted ways.

I’ve never had such an immediate connection to another human being. In those few hours I felt as though I wanted to tell him everything. It was an indescribably feeling, as if we were meant to play some sort of role in the others life.

After our wonderful chat I came to terms that I would never see K again but just a few days later he contacted me. We ended up speaking almost every day for a year. He became one of my closest friend. On the rare occasion, when we would video chat rather than message, we would talk for hours about everything you could image … our friends, travels, politics, aspirations and most importantly, one day, seeing each other again.

A year later I get to finally see my newly found best friend in the flesh. Against all odds our connection has maintained it’s strength and will soon be bringing us back together.

I have no idea if this person is meant to play a larger role in my life or not. Perhaps as a friend, companion, lover, or maybe our journey is intended to end upon our reunion. I can’t anticipate what will happen, but I’m excited to find out.

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Monsieur Formidable

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Samantha – After months of hibernation I have finally returned!! As explained in previous rants (see “I’m in a fk funk” for reference) I had totally dismissed the dating game that I was so heavily invested in just a couple months ago. I was exhausted of the game and putting in the effort, evidenced by the fact that I have had MINIMAL male interaction since I ran out on Mr. Views. Even when I did hook up I was totally unenthused, bored and not wanting to write another mundane blog post about it…yea not a great sign. However, I am happy to report that the funk has officially been broken and I have something worth sharing.

I went to Banff for a 5-day vacation over the May long weekend. I had planned this trip back in January when I was still living at home and badly needing an escape. I felt so claustrophobic in my parents’ house so I spontaneously booked a solo trip, which most of my friends found pretty odd. As a textbook extrovert and over-thinker, it seemed likely that I’d lose my damn mind if the only person I had to talk to was myself. Honestly, at the time I was feeling so stuck and frustrated in my parents’ house that the idea of doing something completely independent and outside my comfort zone seemed crucial to maintaining my sanity. Fast forward 4 months and I’ve since moved out, turned 23 and am much happier. I began to wonder: What would my trip be like? Would I meet cool people? Have some life-changing spiritual journey? Get mauled by a bear hiking alone in the woods? Nervous and excited, I hopped on a plane not knowing I was headed on an adventure that would greatly surpass my expectations.

I arrived in Banff Thursday afternoon filled with energy. It was too late in the day for a hike so I wandered around town taking in the sights and planning the next few days. I had come to Banff with a mission to get laid and was looking for an opportunity to increase my odds…so I decided to re-download tinder.

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Turns out there are TONS of hot and horny guys in Banff and I quickly started chatting up a few. Monsieur Formidable (Mr. Wonderful) ended up asking me out first and I said yes. He’s 26, from Quebec, working in Banff and has a rockin bod…All qualities of the perfect vacation companion.  We grabbed a couple beers at a bar and began chatting about who we were, where we worked and what drugs we’d done in the past – you know, normal first date stuff. We discovered we both like shrooms and decided to do some that night because WHY NOT?

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We did them outside my hostel and spent most of the night having life chats. I was just thinking “Dayum this guy is great!” when he laid some really weird news on me: he’s an alchemist.  I’m still not sure WTF that means but all I know is it’s a religion that focuses on getting to new levels, out of body experiences and attaining dream states…My poor, high brain could not take this seriously and I had to literally cover my face to keep from laughing. Anyway, I didn’t see him as anything more than a way to have some fun over the next few days, so I moved past it and we ended the night with a really hot hookup in the shower closet (yes, the shower in the hostel was literally a closet).

The next day he insisted on coming hiking with me, which was SO refreshing as guys from Toronto generally show affection by acting totally disinterested in the girl they’re seeing. We went on a long hike, took some cute pics by a waterfall (are we dating? Let me know), and really got to know each other. No religion stuff came up and I found myself thanking the Tinder Gods for providing me with someone nice, fun and pretty damn cute. After the hike we went to these hot springs where things literally heated up. Amongst all the other couples it felt like a pretty romantic setting for two people who’d just met, but I actually liked it. Usually that kind of stuff makes me feel cheesy and weird but the whole thing was really comfortable so I continued to go with the flow.

I’d anticipated going home after but Monsieur Formidable invited me over for some food instead . We stopped by a grocery store and got everything needed to make homemade burgers, salad and dessert. I mean, COME ON, was this guy for real? It was so cute and felt like something out of the kind of romance movies I usually make fun of. We spent most of that night in his bedroom and let me tell you this guy is without a doubt the best I’ve ever had. Like no contest. Anyway, I found out the next morning that he has to sign in his guests (he stays in some sort of staff accommodation) and had signed me in for the 3 nights I had left in Banff after our first night together. See what I mean about not being afraid to show interest?

The next day was pretty phenomenal. He had to work so I went on a solo expedition up Tunnel Mountain and even made it to Lake Louise. I got SO lucky with the weather while I was away, the forecast had called for rain the entire time but so far all I’d had was sun and clear skies. Heck, I even got a bit burnt on top of Tunnel Mountain. That night I went down to our hostel bar for some drinks. The bar was actually wrapping up around the same time Monsieur Formidable got off work so I headed over there for the night. We had an amazing night together, details can be assumed, and lazed around the next morning cuddling and chatting. ME. CUDDLING. I don’t think you realize the gravitas of this kind of situation. I don’t cuddle….usually. Oh dear, you can probably see where this is going can’t you?

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He had work again the next day so I drove out to Marble Canyon in B.C. with this guy from my hostel. The canyon was absolutely breathtaking and I am still in awe just thinking about the view. After this I stopped by Canmore to visit a friend for dinner. By the time I got back to Banff that night I was exhausted and crashed for a couple hours knowing that I wouldn’t be getting much sleep staying over at Monsieur Formidable. At this point I had slept in my hostel only once and was regretting paying for all 4 nights up front…Later that night I went out with 2 Swedish girls from my hostel to this bar FILLED with Australians and other international travellers. It was a weird experience being one of the only Canadians in my own country but I was having an amazing time.

So how did this love affair end you might ask? Well, I’m a firm believer that things don’t truly end unless they end badly, so it makes sense that I’d find some way to screw up an almost perfect 5-day stretch. I can pinpoint the exact moment when things started to change for me. We’re lying in bed on the 4th morning, talking about our exes and he tells me that his relationships usually last up to two weeks before he gets annoyed or bored…he then proceeds to tell me that it would take a lot longer than that for me to annoy him if I was staying in Banff. Seems like a sweet but innocuous comment right? Well, maybe for a  normal person. But for me, someone who RARELY gets emotionally invested it tugged at my heart a little. Here is someone that I have grown rather fond of and everything seemed simple until it was ending and I actually liked him! At the time I hadn’t realized this but that night, when I went out with Swedish girls, I ended up leaving the bar because he couldn’t get in. Uh oh, this wasn’t what my trip was supposed to be…Here I am having an amazing time on my last night in Banff and I leave to go hang out with a guy I barely know. This was probably a sign that I should probably check myself before I wreck myself but I didn’t see it.

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We went back to his place, totally normal…except that it wasn’t. Now, as neither of us is a relationship person I can surmise that he might react similarly to me, but in reality this next part is an assumption of his behaviour based on how I explain my own. Generally when I am feeling vulnerable I have the tendency to push people away. You know, like push someone away, if they leave you were right all along but if they come back it means alot. It’s a pathetic defense mechanism, I know, and one that I’ve employed too many times. Well, while at his place some random guy messaged me on tinder and I checked it as a joke. Yea I know, dick move on my part. He immediately got weird and told me to talk to the random if I’d wanted even though I clearly did not. Then, while telling him about my night out with the girls, he made a comment about not being able to hook up with them because of me. I said “Why not? I’m leaving tomorrow, I don’t care” and he said something about how I wouldn’t be allowed to care either way. The point is, it seemed like we were both suddenly acting like we didn’t give a shit, and I doubt he would change from being an incredibly sweet, considerate person for 4 days into a fuckboi overnight. Maybe I’m naïve but I just don’t see it. Especially when I know that I was being bitchy in an arcane attempt to protect myself from getting hurt.

The rest of the night was filled with similar weirdness. We hooked up as per the usual but for the first time it wasn’t AMAZING. In fact, it was the first time I didn’t finish at all, let alone multiple times. I guess it really had gotten emotional for me. I felt pretty much responsible for the weirdness but couldn’t seem to stop from acting that way despite being painfully self-aware about it. I lay awake most of the night thinking about it how I messed up the ending of an almost a perfect week and being pissed off that I couldn’t have had a more mature emotional response. I continued to get increasingly upset until I decided “fuck it, I’m leaving”. I got up and dressed, and without much protest from him it became pretty clear he probably wanted me to leave as well. With a kiss goodbye I headed for the door, laughing when he called out “nice to meet you” from his bed. In that moment I realized how stupid I was for getting invested despite my best intentions. This guy was still pretty much a total stranger and I was friggen embarrassed.

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I headed to the nearby Bow Falls as it was the one sight I had yet to visit and really needed to clear my head. After walking around for about 40 minutes I realized I FORGOT MY FUCKING WATCH. Oh God, now I had to go back and have another awkward goodbye. He met me at the front door with the watch and after a weird kiss on my neck and a quick hug, we bid adieu, this time for real. How badly I wish we could’ve ended more positively but such is life. I honestly think that I have such a hard time dealing with emotions because I don’t let myself experience them often enough. When I do it hits me like a ton of bricks and makes me act like a psycho.

All in all I am really thankful for the experience no  matter the outcome. It was really nice having someone to be with, talk to and straight up, he was phenomenal in bed. Maybe I was dicknotized and drunk with hormones, but the whole thing showed me that I’m clearly interested in a relationship and should just hold out for something better than what I’ve settled for in the past. At the end of the day we never would’ve have worked out  – the alchemy thing alone is enough to send me running – but for the 5 days I was there he was a wonderful host and perfect gentleman. My only hope is he looks back at our short whatever it was fondly instead of being clouded by the weirdness that hung over the ending.

Banff totally captured my heart in every way. I fell in love with the mountains, fell in lust with a French guy and would happily return if the opportunity arose once again. This trip was everything I needed and more, and truly proved that the West coast is the best coast!

Till next time, S ❤

 

 

 

Mr. Brazil

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Carrie – So after three months off of the dating app game, I found that my dating game had gone seriously downhill as well. There were a couple of guys here and there, but nothing that panned out and nothing I was excited about. I downloaded Happn because I thought it was the closest dating app that paralleled meeting someone in real life and in fact, I’ve had many an awkward run in with people on the app that I subway home with on the daily. Added bonus: I knew that Mr. Namaste was on it and things were either gonna “Happn” between us or not but I really needed to get over my little yoga crush. We matched. I messaged him “hey stranger, see you in class” (He didn’t respond. I haven’t seen him in class. I’m sure it’ll be awkward when we do. Nothing happened. I’m over it.)

It’s also the most overwhelming dating app for someone who is just getting back in the game. Your options are presented to you all at once, it tells you how many times you two have “crossed paths” and even narrows it down to the exact location. It’s tough to make a splash because unlike Tinder or Bumble or other swiping apps, the spotlight isn’t on your profile and guys don’t need to decide via swipe one way or another. Instead, your profile (aka your main picture) has to be attracting enough for someone to notice you out of the four options available on the screen. As a chick who is often picked somewhere in the middle of the pack when captains are choosing their sports teams, it seemed daunting to get anyone to match me.

Continue reading “Mr. Brazil”

Mr. Puppy Love

Carrie – I used to be in love with all things love. You could say I am more like a Charlotte in that sense – a big romantic at heart – but I grew out of naivety out of necessity. I say necessity because there are a lot of humans out here in the city and humans are filled with fickle, fleeting, and often self-interested emotions (myself included). You might say I’m guarded, but with reason to be.

Before I regale you with stories of my tales dating in the 6ix, let me preface and try to give Carrie some character. This is my disclaimer that this post will be a bit different in tone. I used to want to be a writer. I would read so-called “chick lit” including Sarah Dessen, Nicholas Sparks, and Sophia Kinsella and live vicariously through the female protagonists. One of my greatest hopes at 14 was that one day, one day very soon, I would be swept off my feet by a perfect guy. I was disillusioned because in many ways, this did happen for me. My first love, my first boyfriend, my first everything-below-the-belt and I dated from high school through to my last year of university. Puppy love extended four and a half years until it eventually fizzled out to complacency on both of our parts, justified by “you can’t teach old dogs new tricks.” After a long summer month of us growing apart to the point where he was just ignoring me, I decided to confront the fact that we were no longer in love, not the same type at least, and we went our separate ways by August.

That first night officially single, I alternated between crying hysterically and silently, sleeplessly staring at the ceiling. I vowed to never let myself be this way again. The pain of feeling your heart break, rehashing every one of those last moments you didn’t realize would be lasts, did not feel worth it at the time. It felt pathetic that the only person I wanted to turn to was the one I had let cause that hurt. But how do you behave when the only way you knew how has been ripped away from you? My heart was broken but even worse, my head was too because I felt like I had lost all that I ever known.

As we didn’t get into a big, deal-breaking fight and neither one of us cheated, it was hard to identify what spurred this breakup on. He had gone from “0 to 100, real quick,” searching up hypo-allergenic dogs that we would raise together (because I am sadly allergic) to telling me he didn’t want to put effort into a relationship anymore. That night, out of all the moments of our long relationship, I kept searching for signs that I should have known this was coming. All I could think about was licorice. To elaborate, my father is a Costco snack addict and his pick of the summer was a kilogram box of cherry licorice sticks. At first, Mr. Puppy Love would grab handfuls at a time and I would have to hide the box to get him to stop eating them. But as we began our normal routine of Netflix-bingeing and straight-up-bingeing that summer, I noticed Mr. Puppy Love eventually stopped going for the licorice. As he got used to it being there, the novelty wore off, and that was the best metaphor I could think of to parallel the end of our relationship.

Luckily I had not been one of those girls who ditched her girlfriends to be with her man. I have seen many girls scramble, trying to salvage burnt bridges post-relationship, and I was fortunate not to be one of those. My support network encouraged me to take my time, to cry, to mourn, and to move on. My challenge was moving on romantically when my whole sexual identity up until that point had been symbiotic to his. I was caught up in this ideal of “the one.” The pressure to maintain the fact that he was my one and only and I was his one and only so this was meant to be. Any number more than one just seemed like a ruined fairytale.

Well this is a tale of woes, not unrealistic expectations of fairytales. And let me tell you, I have had plenty of tales this year and a half of singledom, especially since moving to the heart of the 6ix in a sweet condo with my former party-girl older sister. To wrap up this one, Mr. Puppy Love moved on with a girl I disliked two months after we broke up and that fizzled out shortly thereafter.

Finding out he had moved on first, I felt like the pressure of “the one” had been lifted, and I began accumulating many stories: some chapters, some novels, but mostly a lot of guest star/B storylines. I have learned to be wary, never naming the puppy before I take it ‘home’. However, I remain hopeful and forward-looking that I’ll find my Mr. Big, that Big love of my life. Even Carrie Bradshaw knows that “sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens.” We have to learn when to stop learning and just live in the moment.

At the end, all of these Mr. _______’s provide us with lessons, life experiences, and hilarious stories to blog about. So welcome to my bumpy ride of dating through the 6ix.

Mr. Pen Pal Only

Samantha – I’ll keep this post short and sweet because unfortunately our date was quite the opposite. I met this guy (again from Tinder) after work one day and was looking forward to it as we’d had some pretty solid virtual conversations. When he arrived I immediately noticed two things. 1) He was SIGNIFICANTLY shorter than me – this is when I learned to ask for heights PRE-date and 2) he was nothing like his online persona. Unlike our virtual chats, face-to-face we had so much trouble keeping a convo going and really had nothing to talk about. This was surprising, as usually I can’t stop talking and ramble on about the same amount as two normal people would on any given day. But this time, nothing but crickets and our two hour date felt more like two long, drawn out years. Example of my solid attempt at open-ended questioning:

S: “What kind of music do you listen to?”
Date: “A lot of different things.”
S: “Cool, what’s your favourite?”
Date: “I don’t know, hard to pick.”
S: “…”

EXCUSE ME SIR, CAN YOU NOT TELL I AM TRYING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION HERE?

The ONLY thing we could agree upon was how crappy it is to commute downtown every day because lucky for me, we take the same route home. After giving this guy a concerted effort and far more energy than I had to expend, I gave up entirely on trying to converse and just sat in silence waiting for my stop. That night he texted me asking when he’d see me next, but needless to say, that day has yet to come.

Mr. Starry Night

Miranda – One thing you should know about me is I’m an all or nothing kind of gal, and it’s probably a bad thing.

The Tinder game has been an uphill battle for me right from the get go. I’ve probably downloaded and deleted the app a dozen times so far in the last two years in my complete inability to find a decent man. Take it back two months ago, and I find myself yet again on the app, praying that the 12-year-old boys and the slimy fukboi’s have since left to give way to the Prince Charmings’ of the world. A couple swipes later (who am I kidding -more like hundreds) and who do I find but Mr. Starry Night.

I learn soon after that Mr. Starry Night is wonderful. He is intelligent, ambitious, and his sense of humor hits the mark. A couple days later we have a date for Friday drinks, stemming from the coincidental discovery that we were reading the same book, at the same time (Blink by Malcolm Gladwell in case you were wondering).

Monday rolls around and while bored out of my mind at work, I did something uncharacteristic and decided to reschedule the date to later that day because fuck it, I can’t wait another 5 days to find out if this man is actually a serial rapist. Surprisingly, he says yes and hours later we find ourselves at a craft beer bar having a blast over beers I can’t pronounce and mussels, the best kind of combination. Three drinks later, we’re tipsy and sloppily trying to maintain a witty banter and there, I understood that this fantastic night was coming to an end. We paid for the bill (dutch, mind you) and walked outside into the warm summer night. Just as I was about to thank him for the great date, he surprises me by saying “so, where to next?” Wait, there’s more?

Overall, it was an incredible and diverse night. We walked around in a park, I screamed like a little bitch when I saw a body laying in a dark corner, which ended up being just a homeless man taking a nap (sorry again for waking you from your slumber), and I saved a girl from her abusive boyfriend (more like distracted him enough for her to run away, but I’m still a hero). You know, just a regular first date. We ended the night lying in a field of grass, looking up at the vivid stars while he lay next to me, coughing uncontrollably every once in a while due to his recovering cold.  It was very romantic and why I named him Mr. Starry Night. I could just end the story here- and call it the best first 7 hour date ever, but that wouldn’t be an accurate depiction of the sad state of my life.

Mr. Starry Night and I parted ways and within 10 minutes he texted asking to see me again. Giddy at the prospect of finally finding a decent man from Tinder no less, I then proceeded to imagine every possible outcome of this encounter. Remember- I’m all or nothing. In fact, I was so excited and nervous at this insignificantly significant part of my life that I spent the next 5 days restless and unable to sleep.

When Saturday finally came, we had yet another enjoyable date eating and watching a movie, but something felt a little bit off. Call it my spidey-senses tingling or what have you, but something had definitely changed. At the end of the date, I mustered up the courage to explore this feeling I had. Sometimes, I hate it when I’m right. After a bit of probing, I learned a few things:

  1. He likes me, he’d like to hang again.
  2. He’s not quite over his ex yet – he just came out of a long-term relationship.
  3. He hooked up with a girl the Thursday and Friday before we met for the second time and he’d like to see where it goes with her.

Well, that escalated quickly. What a rollercoaster of emotions. Upon hearing these stark revelations, I abruptly thanked him for the honesty and hurried home, another chapter closing behind me.  We had a brief, but enjoyable stint together.

Like a star, he was there- shining bright and in the next moment, gone, as if he never existed at all. Don’t mind me -I’m not suicidal, just dramatic.