The Fling’s the Thing

I originally was writing this as a 2-part tale about one crazy week of my life. However, due to circumstances you can read about below, this story extends past one week. So if you need a refresher you can find Part 1 here.

Wow, you’re back! Ok… uhm, I really wasn’t expecting this!

JK I knew you’d be back. Reading my posts is like passing by a car accident: it’s a damn mess but you can’t bring yourself to look away.

Now, where were we? Oh yes. I had recently hooked up with King of the Douchelords and was feeling pretty low. So I did what every girl does when her self-esteem is reeling…I looked for validation elsewhere. Now don’t you worry my friends, I am acutely aware of how dangerous this can be, we’ve all been in the situation where you’ll settle for anyone just to get some attention. So instead of hitting up an ex or another potential fkboi, I turned to an option who seemed like the anti-douchelord: Boston Boy.

He had been messaging me consistently since our first date, making me feel pretty rotten for not giving him the time of day when he seemed like a great guy. I invited him over the following Sunday, this time to hang out in a park outside my building. It may sound dramatic but I was a little “traumatized” by the incident with King Douchlord two days prior (Part 1), and that combined with our very meh hookup was enough motivation to try keep him away from my bedroom. He didn’t seem to mind though and we spent all afternoon lying in the sun, chatting and sharing (more than) a couple of kisses. It was really sweet and exactly what I needed: time spent with a decent guy who I didn’t feel any sort of pressure to be with…he was heading back to Boston in 4 days after all.

sandra

The following night, while home watching Bachelor in Paradise (#NoRagrets), he suggested coming over and I hesitantly agreed. I wasn’t down for another hookup that would leave me feeling anything but satisfied, but thankfully he did not disappoint. Our second hookup was significantly better than the first and it seems like he’d figured out how to use what (little) the good lord had given him. We hung out again the next night…I know, I know! 3 days in a row…take a chill pill amirite? He was leaving in two days anyway and we were having a lot of fun so it didn’t feel like normal rules applied.

I was glad I’d decided to give this fling a second chance, especially because this particular type works for me. When one person is local and the other is visiting it seems like the perfect opportunity for a successful fling as you can essentially do whatever you want without feeling like anything needs to be defined. The finish line is crystal clear from the get-go and for me and so many of my friends, the expectation of where something may lead is what mentally fucks with us the most. Between this guy and my love affair in Banff, I’m beginning to think I may be a spring fling queen.

cady

It’s actually really interesting if you think about it. I am the most successful with relationships when I don’t need to worry about the end game. Is this evidence that I self-sabotage by prematurely assessing how something will pan out or does it say something more general about modern dating? When we stop the bullshit, stop the games and just get to know the person we’re interested in, it’s pretty easy to build an awesome connection. Conversely, when you add all that “who texted who first” crapola, it ruins everything. I saw Boston Boy 3 days in a friggen row…and yes, that is a little excessive, but I can’t even imagine doing that if he wasn’t going to be disappearing at the end of it all. #FlingLyfe has shown me that being honest with someone and just acting on what feels natural is the best way to experience something that’s enjoyable and stress-free. Sure, that seems intuitive…but try it in practice I dare you! It is WAY harder to act easy and breezy when you’re planning baby names in the back of your mind during a third date.

crazy

As usual I digress, and I’m sure you’re curious to hear how this whole thing played out. I was supposed to see him one more time before he left on Thursday and was happy to tie up my fling with a neat little bow. Well you know what they say about life right? It’s what happens when you’re busy making plans. His job got extended by a week giving us more opportunity to hang out and I saw him a number of times over the next week. Hell, my roommate’s boyfriend even met him.

Fast-forward to last night, I was set to see him once more as he left for Boston today, our 2-week fling-iversary #romancegoals. We met at his hotel and bar-hopped around the city sampling craft beers and apps for the next 5 hours. I’m not going to lie, after how awkwardly things had ended with my fling in Banff, I was nervous as to how my exit would go. Well, I’m happy to report that we have a fantastic night together and I left the hotel this morning with a kiss goodbye, my watch on my wrist (see Monsieur Formidable for reference) and zero awkwardness! He said he’d look me up if he was in town again and I was cool with that. I would also be cool if he didn’t look me up, but eh, that’s for Future Samantha to decide.

After discussing my night with Miranda this morning, she said she was surprised at how easily I could separate the emotional from the physical as I did spend a significant amount of time with this guy. I guess it must be because I was never really into him in that way. We got along great and feeling intimate with someone is generally nice, so it never felt like I had to separate my emotions, they just didn’t exist. I doubt that I would have continued hooking up with Boston Boy if he was local but that’s the beauty of this stage of life. We can make self-serving decisions, take risks and try things we wouldn’t otherwise all for the sake of having new experiences, both good and bad. All I can say is that the past 2 weeks have been a friggen whirlwind and that I’ve learned more about myself and relationships in 14 days than I have in the last couple of months. Baby steps people, baby steps.

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Mr. Guest Relations

What an exciting moment that I finally am making my own “Mr.” post. Does this mean I’m officially back in the dating game? Maybe not (lol keep reading) but it does mean that I’m making some progress and some attempt, so that has to count for something right? (please say yes).

This summer, I’ve been on what I guess you can call a paid vacation (working a little but playing a lot more) away from the six. Ready for new adventures I’ve been fortunate to be working for a magical company, meeting so many amazing people and just soaking in a whole new adventure. Though there is so much to be enjoying and lots of fun to be had, there’s a little piece of me that was hoping for that cute summer fling to be the cherry on top on the already incredible summer.

Fast forward a few weeks into the summer: I’m settled into my apartment, have an awesome group of friends and am finally getting the hang of the job. One day, basically out of nowhere, this super cute guy, Mr. Guest Relations, shows up at work. Without even realizing or intending to, I started some small chat with him that ended up with him hanging out with me for my entire shift, and I can’t say that I was complaining. He made me laugh, he was easy to talk to and he wasn’t too hard on the eyes either. I left work not thinking too much of it, but by the time I was home I already had the Facebook friend request and a message waiting for me. Hm, maybe I could start crushing on Mr. Guest Relations.

Mr. Guest Relations and I hit it off – we texted a lot and hung out. My favourite part was that he never suggested we “Netflix and chill” but would always come up with fun activities like the beach or a sporting event – it was all feeling too good to be true. Before long, everyone at work was picking up on our vibe too with people asking what was going on and “just friends” was the response they got (okay I didn’t want to seem too eager or gossipy at work, I thought this was a great way to play it cool amirite?!) Clearly there was something going on, and might I say I was a little excited that other people could see it too. Mr. Guest Relations seemed like the ideal candidate for the summer fling that I was hoping for!

Now, this is where I get all confused because all of a sudden the ideal Mr. Guest Relations stopped being so ideal. With advanced Facebook creeping, it suddenly dawned on me that Mr. Guest Relations might have a girlfriend out of town. With my suspicions in mind, I began to be confused why Mr. Guest Relations was still texting me, and flirting and pursuing me. Mr. Guest Relations who was supposed to fix all the problems, seemed to be causing a lot more. Confused as ever, I analyzed the texts with my friends – was I reading to much into it? Reassured that he was clearly flirty and clearly into it, I continued to talk to him and he continued to ask me out.

Not only did I find out that it was confirmed that Mr. Guest Relations had a girlfriend – he also had something else I was not expecting: an ex-wife. In the same conversation Mr. Guest Relations had 1. Announced how happy he was to be finalizing his divorce 2. Bring up the “girlfriend” card and 3. Invite me out to California with him (Lets just say this is where I began running for the hills, and not the Hollywood hills). Mr. Guest Relations seemed like a lot more trouble than a summer fling was worth, and the sirens started blaring (except funny to my friends when I a. confirmed the suspicions about the girlfriend, and b. talked about his divorce lol that’s way too adult for my life these days).

This situation left me confused in so many ways. Firstly, it was the first crush I really had since I’ve been out of my last relationship (yay confirmed that I am capable of liking other people – maybe not #foreveralone?!). Mostly, this introduces me to the again struggle that is the confusion of men… no better way to sum this up than WTF? Not only was this guy sketchy AF to be hanging with and pursuing other girls when he is in a “committed” relationship. There was nothing wrong with being friends with Mr. Guest Relations, and I probably wouldn’t have even thought of him in the romantic way if he didn’t initiate the flirting. So now, instead of hanging as friends I’m avoiding Mr. Guest Relations at all costs (even though that trip to California did sound tempting…just kidding). This just opened my eyes to some of the dating struggles in and out of the six, but at least gave me a story for the blog! Maybe next time with a little bit of extra pixie dust, the next Mr. will be Mr. Prince Charming (I mean a girl can dream right?)!